


Finding the Stars, Reaching for Love

by CuddlyKoala



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bureaucracy issues are universal, First Contact, M/M, Romulans are really not nice, Spock Prime ended up in another timeline, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-16 06:19:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2259156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuddlyKoala/pseuds/CuddlyKoala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock would never let Jim down. No matter the universe. Even if it meant crossing the galaxy to find him. Jim would do anything to see his new pointed-eared friend again. Even if it meant crossing the galaxy to find him. Crossing the galaxy was the easy part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Without Jim, Without Earth

**Author's Note:**

> This comes mostly from my need to give Spock Prime a happy ending. Also, English isn't my native language, so please feel free to point out any spelling or grammar mistake.

It wasn’t exactly illogical. Dimension travelling was more than just a dream in the fertile human imagination. He had encountered, on several occasions, beings who were capable of transcending dimension and continuum. He had experienced it himself, as well as time-travel. There was no reason for this to give him pause. Yet it did. He knew there was no return.

Time was a difficult concept to apprehend, even to the Vulcan mind. There was no logic either in denying the truth: he had no idea what he was doing. Following Nero had not been a choice. Nevertheless, he could not find it in him to deplore the situation. There was very little to keep him in his home dimension since Jim’s disappearance. He was needed elsewhere to limit the damages Nero was liable to cause in his grief and anger over Spock’s failure. Whatever assistance he could provide, he would.

His brain was processing information as if time and space were flowing at their usual pace. Spock knew they weren’t. He had briefly meditated on the best attitude to adopt once the jump would have been complete. The only decision he had been able to come to was to improvise as the situation needed. It was something Jim would have done, grinning all the while, as if all this were just a huge cosmic joke. Spock failed to see the humour in the situation, but then again, he often did, though not as often as most people believed. The only one who had always known without a doubt had been Jim. Spock had spent decades trying to master his feelings after Jim’s loss to the Nexus. It would have been a lie to say he had succeeded and Vulcans didn’t lie.

There was a little eternity in the dimensions spinning. Spock wasn’t completely sure if the expression was something vaguely poetic Jim would have said or a true, albeit approximate, scientific statement pertaining to the linear duration of his stay between dimensions.

He hadn’t expected to be conscious of the passage of time during the jump. Spock had a near perfect grip on his emotions, but even to the most organized Vulcan mind, the perspective to stay in the vortex forever was enough to suscitate fear and hope to leave this non-place, no matter what was expecting him at the end of the journey.

Perhaps he wouldn’t have to consider this option. His instruments, as unreliable as they could be since they had not been created for such a use, clearly indicated his starship was slowing down. Evaluating the rate of speed decrease was an impossible task.

***

Without warning, the _Jellyfish_ emerged from the vortex. The view provided by the screen and the readings from his instruments proved beyond doubt that he was nearing Vulcan’s orbit. He hadn’t expected everything to be exactly as what he knew, however there were several marked differences which forced Spock to take a moment to consider.

In the first place, the traffic was far denser than he had ever seen around his home planet. In the second place, most of this traffic was comprised of what could only be military starships whose design was unmistakably Vulcan.

His sensors beeped, a shrill sound, indicating they had locked on Nero’s position. Drawing the Romulan the farthest away as possible from the planet was the only option that bore consideration.

Alerting the numerous vessels on orbit, giving them enough information to believe him and not enough that they would think him in need of a Healer would take too much time and was too uncertain to risk. Spock gave an impulse to his engines. They had been programmed to start their waking process as soon as it was registered they had left the vortex and were now ready for pursuit. He had barely entered coordinates when his attention was claimed by the screen which displayed the Vulcan fleet in full offensive position. They were clearly ready to launch an attack on the obvious threat.

Spock could only watch. After several minutes which he surmised were spent trying to get the foreign starship to stand down, five different ships opened fire on Nero. Under Spock’s eyes, they destroyed his ship until only dust and fragments remained. This was not how Spock had expected things to go but it was nevertheless a satisfying conclusion. Nero would have destroyed the planet as his own had been.

***

Entering Vulcan’s orbit wasn’t easy. Spock didn’t expect it to be and yet, against all logic, he had hoped his access codes and credentials would be accepted. Having to explain who he was and why he was there across a radio communication was less than optimal. In the end, he settled for giving the barest explanation possible and requiring to talk to the Elders urgently. It was a breach of etiquette he was confident they would overlook when they would learn of his circumstances. Discretion was, after all, a tenet of the Vulcan’s way of life.

Spock wasn’t surprised when he was escorted to the Matriarch of Vulcan to find himself in front of T’Pau. She was younger than the one he remembered, yet wise and formidable already. Jim used to say she was “one scary lady”. While he didn’t share such an emotional appraisal and formulation, he certainly understood what prompted them.

She was observing him. Spock had near perfect control over himself. Had he been younger and less experienced, he would have twitched under the keen gaze. As it was, he sustained her evaluation with grace, acknowledging her the right to form her opinion over the stranger who had claimed he needed to talk to her immediately, giving only a name, Selek, no house, and citing as a motive the recent Romulan attack. Spock knew the chances a Spock of the House of Surak already existed were high enough it would have been unwise to use his own name and therefore had chosen an alternate identity he had once used on Vulcan to save his reckless younger self.

T’Pau obviously came to a decision. She bowed her head slightly, prompting him to talk and inviting him to sit down. Economy of gestures seemed to be a constant for her, no matter the universe.

“I told you my name was Selek. I purposefully didn’t give the name of my father or of my house. It is no longer logical to hide any part of my identity. My true name is S’chn T’Gai Spock, son of Sarek of the House of Surak.”

For what had to be the first time in his memory, Spock saw T’Pau stunned. There was no other word for it. Her quick brain still managed to draw the logical conclusion.

“You are from the future.”

“I am from another dimension, one that seems to be farther in the future than this one. I came here following Nero, the Romulan whose ship you destroyed 3.4 hours ago. After the destruction of his homeworld consequently to my failure to prevent it, he was intent on inflicting the same fate upon this version of Vulcan as a revenge.”

“I will have to check the truth of your words, Spock. Are you ready for this?”

“I am.” He was. In truth, he had expected it. He couldn’t show her everything, some things were too intimate or too important to be shared, but he could show her enough to prove the veracity of his story. He leaned forward, offering his face without reservation. She raised her hands toward his psi-points, already whispering the traditional words “My mind to your mind…”

It took her a long time to sort through Spock’s memory. When she finally broke the meld, her brown eyes were weary in a way that was unusual for her. There was little to add, though. She stood up, gathering the fold of her robes and stated : “ You are welcome here, Selek. There is much to be learnt from you. You will be provided with accommodations and I will introduce you to the High Council tomorrow morning. Until then, Selek, live long and prosper.”

  ***

The next morning was uninteresting, not because of uneventfulness -- his mere presence would have ensured a wide range of uncommon reactions in controlled Vulcans-- but because of the lack of decisions and useful information.

Selek, since he had decided to keep this name in order to differentiate himself from his very real counterpart and not raise any more question than his sudden apparition and integration among the ranks of the Elders already would, had spent the whole night studying the differences between this universe and his own. He had expected some and the presence of a full Vulcan fleet around the planet was difficult to ignore. He hadn’t expected to find a world as radically different.

The most important change he noticed right away was the Federation. It had been founded two centuries ago by Vulcan. Which meant two very important things. First, it explained the presence of a fleet in permanent orbit. Second, and he checked the fact twice, Earth had never been discovered. As it wasn’t that far from Vulcan, Selek found it somewhat surprising. Of course, the hypothesis it hadn’t been discovered because it didn’t exist in this reality couldn’t be overlooked. Selek leant more toward his second hypothesis: this version of the Federation was more preoccupied by the defense against the Romulans and Klingons than by scientific discoveries and exploratory endeavours. Jim would have said it was hope. Selek remembered how often hope had been vain.

It didn’t matter. His purpose here was defeated by the swift destruction of the Narada. Selek was glad his people had been spared. It still meant he had to find a place in this new reality, in whatever capacity he could serve. Selek had lived a long and fulfilling life. He had been a son and a father, a warrior, a scientist, a first officer, a captain, an ambassador, a friend and a bondmate. He grieved for all the loss he had endured but didn’t regret any of his roles. His congeners would say regrets were illogical but it was very far from logical considerations. Each of his tasks had brought him joy and fulfillment and to say otherwise would be a betrayal of the one who walked next to him for most of them. Selek would not do that.

Jim had enjoyed exploring the galaxy more than anything else. If somewhere there was a Jim Kirk with the same aspirations, Selek considered it was his duty to enable them. It was thus the reason for the plan of exploration he submitted to the High Council of the Federation a few months later. And perhaps, it had to do with the fact he wanted to know this hypothetical Jim Kirk. Vulcans didn’t lie, but neither did they feel the need to say everything. Selek was perfectly content to present it as a project worthy of both the VSA and the Federation. Insisting on the potential benefits of mineral discoveries, for instance, was far more likely to get the Council’s seal of approval than a quest for his long gone bondmate’s counterpart. If the general direction he intended to take led to where he knew Earth should be was because it was an unexplored region of space.

Selek wasn’t surprised when his plans were accepted. His propositions were highly logical and he knew his presence made most of the High Council uncomfortable (not that they would ever admit it), therefore, the obvious conclusion was to send him leading the exploration mission.

The day the _Seleya_ left Vulcan’s orbit, Selek was carefully concealing his excitement.


	2. First Contacts

The newscaster’s professional face was gone. She looked shocked and excited and her voice was far from the grave tone she usually affected. That was the first thing Jim noticed when he entered quietly the living room. The TV was blaring so loudly he could hear it from the outside and he didn’t want Franck to wake up too early. Then he read the caption at the bottom of the screen and his heart missed a beat. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Even the video in background failed to make it seem more real. It had to be a hoax. Yet, everything proved it was genuine.

Jim didn’t even know how he felt. Where there should be excitement – he had dreamed of this day his whole life- there was just emptiness. He was so tiny and insignificant and he was stuck in the middle of fucking Iowa with a drunk uncle to repair barns and harvest corn. The green-faced people (and wasn’t that like the most hilarious joke of the universe?) were saluting the Earth officials in perfect English with a weird hand gesture again and again, stuck in the loop of the video and Jim could only contemplate his own helplessness.

Jim listened for a while longer. Not that they were giving any kind of useful information. The sun was high and the fields weren’t going to tend to themselves, unfortunately. Maybe these aliens had some kind of technology for that? Jim perked up the thought and started dreaming about all that could change.

 ***

Earth was just as cold and the Terrans just as loud and insensitive as he remembered. There were notable differences, of course, and Selek was constantly looking for the feed of information the sensors should be displaying.

It went as expected. Why should it be any different? Between the translator and Selek’s (carefully hidden as a good ear for languages) knowledge of English, it was easy to design a suitable introduction. The First Contact was planned and logically organized. Yet Selek kept waiting for a glitch. He had an extensive experience of First Contacts and of humans. It wasn’t illogical to be prepared for a problem.

He could see the crew of the _Seleya_ watching the Terrans with barely concealed disdain. Selek had chosen the members of his team with great care, among the most curious, adventurous and open-minded of his people. But the Terrans had everything to aggravate a Vulcan. _Kaiidth_. Terrans were as they were. He would remind his crew of the IDIC principles as often as needed.

Discussing with overexcited, vaguely scared and generally curious humans was an exercise in patience, one that Selek found he didn’t mind. It was familiar in the way talking with slightly annoying but well-meaning relatives could be familiar. It wasn’t his preferred method of spending the day but if one didn’t do it, something felt lacking. Though he had never understood what they felt was so fascinating about Vulcan ears.

Terrans loved talking. This was something Jim had often said and Selek wholly agreed. As the night wore on, he felt his patience dwindling, a sure sign he was in need of a few hours of meditation and, perhaps, an access to Earth’s Public Records Database to find any sign of a Kirk family. Hope wasn’t an emotion he indulged in as a rule. This time, he couldn’t help it.

***

The systems were more primitive than what he was used to but it was no hardship for him to get in the Public Records. Selek had always been good with computers and he knew how humans thought. When he saw the Kirk name displayed on the screen, _Kirk, Georges (deceased),_ _Kirk (née Dellan), Winona (deceased), Kirk, Samuel, Kirk, James_ and some others he supposed were relatives, he took a sharp breath.

On his way to Earth, the _Seleya_ ’s crew had “discovered” many planets, some unoccupied but rich, either in history or in resources, others which, with some diplomatic efforts, could be interesting allies. This finding was the most valuable to his eyes. It was merely a beginning, though. The Records Office couldn’t give him any information on what had happened to the Kirk children. There wasn’t any mention of adoption or fostering. This was unexpected. Selek didn’t let this stop him. Investigation was one of the most important duties of a Science Officer. The Kirk estate, he remembered, was set in Iowa, near a small town called Riverside. Selek had been there on a few occasions as a guest. Of course, he needed to find a reason to go there. Going on his own without warning was unacceptable. First, he had duties as Captain of the expedition. Second, he wasn’t exactly inconspicuous. In his time, a Vulcan in Iowa was still a wonder. Here and then, a panic was only to be expected.

Selek found that sleep this night, even after a much needed meditation, was slow in coming.

It was only three days later that he managed to get an authorization to go and visit the countryside without an escort. He had clearly stated he didn’t intend to show himself to the local dwellers and therefore an escort would only hinder his efforts to pass unnoticed. He chose to ignore the glint of suspicion in the eyes of his second. T’Rell was an intelligent and perceptive woman. If it weren’t so important, he would have trusted her. As it was, Selek was too old to trust someone he hadn’t know for decades, especially with such a matter.

***

Walking through the cornfields was an experience he hadn’t had in decades. He let the soft breeze wash over his face without discomfort and kept on treading toward the farm he knew was there. He heard it first. A loud and regular _tap tap_ , most likely coming from a hammer, each _tap_ followed by a heavy exhalation. Selek took care to stay in the shadow of the trees, as quietly as possible, to observe the scene. At first, he could only make out a tanned and well-muscled back crowned by blond hair. The hair looked just as Jim’s did whenever he spent a lot of time outside in the sun. Then the young man half-turned to find a nail on the work table set at his left and Selek felt his breath catch. He forced himself to regulate his breathing and took in the sight of the James Tiberius Kirk of this universe. It was definitely him, younger and leaner. Selek retreated further in the shadows. He could feel the remnants of his bond to his Jim trying to call out to this one. His Jim had a quite high esper rating. If this one was similarly gifted, he would certainly feel Selek’s presence. Mental shields would be useless in this instance.

***

Jim was working his frustration away by building new fences. Not that it was very efficient. Maybe hammering on people instead would work better? He shrugged off the mental image of him inflicting this fate upon Franck until he started leaking beer like a broken can and focused on the task at hand. He felt… restless. Like something was meant to happen, and it didn’t and Jim kept waiting for it. He figured it was related to the aliens’ arrival a few days ago. As he had expected, it hadn’t changed anything around here. Unless one counted more people drinking more than usual and claiming their repulsive opinions about aliens instead of anything or anyone else.

 He put in another nail, adjusted it to start the process, then stopped. It felt more fragile. He examined the nail. Definitely defective. At the same time, writing to the company would cost more than a new nail and he was pretty sure no one had kept a receipt. And these nails were expensive. He decided to use it anyway. He started on it. When the nail broke, it happened too fast for him to divert his movement and avoid the hammer falling on his left thumb. He let go of the tool, swearing and instinctively putting the injured finger in his mouth.

“This is not an appropriate way to treat this injury.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would happen in the early 23rd century so a general Public Records Database could exist... Yes, I know, I'm quite optimistic.  
> And no disrespect is meant toward Iowa (and its inhabitants). Jim is a "particularly troubled" young man who doesn't know how to make a life for himself.


	3. You feel like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet. At last.

“This is not an appropriate way to treat this injury.”

Jim jumped like half a mile up. He hadn’t noticed anyone was there, he didn’t recognize the deep, precise, cultured voice and while he was at that, who spoke that way? He let his hand fall back at his side, taking in the sight of the man in front of him. Well, man…

Jim felt all warm then all cold then all warm again. The… guy was tall, with pointed ears, outward arched eyebrows, very dark brown eyes and his skin had a definite green tinge to it. He noted absently the media had exaggerated how green it was. It was quite subtle. The… Vulcan, since that was how they had introduced themselves, also had a cap of graying black hair, and wrinkles. Jim didn’t know if it worked the same way as for humans, but if it did, this guy had to be relatively old. He seemed nicer than on TV, more open, in a fashion. It was in the eyes, Jim decided after a few seconds of panicked analysis. In the video recordings, they always looked expressionless. Here, they were of a warm deep chocolate.

_Oh crap! I’m probably the first non official he meets and I’m making a hell of a first impression. Way to go, Jim! At least, put on a T-shirt!_

“Uhm… Hello?” He wasn’t sure what the polite way to greet him was, but surely hello couldn’t offend anyone, could it?

There was a slight twitch on the other’s face, as if he wanted to smile but repressed it. Or maybe he was offended. He bowed his head and raised his hand, replicating the gesture Jim had seen before. From this close, it looked almost painful for the fingers. “Peace and long life. Though if you don’t treat your injury, it is unlikely to happen.”

Jim put his good hand in front of his mouth, hiding his laugh. Apparently, they did have a sense of humour.

“My name is James Kirk. Jim for short. And it’s not an injury. Just an accident. Happens all the time. Not even painful. Look!” He waved his fingers for emphasis.

The arched eyebrow climbed even higher.

“My name is Selek. Am I meant to understand you hurt yourself regularly and don’t treat the subsequent injury?”

Woah! That guy, Vulcan, whatever, was something else.

“NO! Not at all. Look, it’s nothing, really.”

“I look and see an inflamed thumb which, given the physiology of the human body, must be painful. The most efficient way to deal with the inflammation is to put it under cold water.”

“Er, thanks for the advice. I’m gonna do just that. Do you want to, er, come inside? Have a drink maybe? If you can drink the same stuff as we do, that is.”

“Water would be appreciated, Jim. Thank you.”

This was surreal. Really. He was going to have an alien inside the house. Thank God, Franck was in town and not supposed to come back before late afternoon. And if he had crashed at the central bar, as he usually did, he wouldn’t be back before 1 or 2 am. Jim did a quick mental check, trying to remember what state he had left the house in this morning. What if Selek thought all humans were messy and not worth his time just because Jim couldn’t be arsed to tidy after Franck’s binges? What if he thought _Jim_ wasn’t worth his time? This was the best thing Jim could remember ever happening to him. This was like, too good to be true. Speaking of which, what were the odds this guy had decided to take a walk and arrived at his house? What was he doing here?

“It’s probably going to be a bit untidy. We weren’t expecting any company, _let him understand he wasn’t the one making that much chaos_ , and since we live outside most of the time…”

“We? You are speaking of your family?”

Jim wrinkled his nose unconsciously. “I live with my uncle, Franck. He isn’t here today. There.”

He opened the door and did a quick sweep of the hall and what he could see of the living room from his position. It seemed OK. Not the perfect cleanliness some of the neighbouring ladies insisted upon but all right. Besides, they didn’t come here anymore.

He led Selek to the couch, surreptitiously slipping a stray bottle underneath. “Just stay here for a second, I’ll be right back with water.”

“Do not forget ice for your thumb, Jim.”

He was really single-minded! At the same time, it was sweet. No one had ever cared about him since Sam left, and the first one to pick it up was an alien. Weird. In a good way. Jim busied himself filling a pitcher of cold water and finding two more or less clean glasses. He was putting everything on a tray when he remembered Selek’s admonition. Rummaging through the cabinet, he managed to find a tube of ointment for heavy bruising that wasn’t even out-of-date. Washing his hands carefully under cold water, he had to admit it felt good.

Selek didn’t know what to think. This place was a far cry from the neat and impeccable farm Winona Kirk had always taken pride in. it did show some signs of care but the general impression was that the place had fallen in a state of dereliction, much as the young Jim. He was so similar yet so different from the Jim of his timeline. Ignoring minor (and probably major as well) injuries was a strong common point. But his Jim had never had this urge to please and deflect attention while at the same time craving it. Selek was strongly reminded of an Earth comparison he had often heard “a kicked puppy” as he remembered the strange blue, _so blue_ , eyes. It made his heart ache. His ties with the Jim Kirk from his reality weren’t the sole reason for this. This one seemed to be an intelligent, curious and courageous young human in his own right. Selek was impressed by his composure in front of so strange a situation.

Jim came back in the living room carrying a tray in one hand and waving triumphantly a tube of ointment for bruises in the other.

“Look what I’ve found!”

“Indeed, Jim. I am gratified to see you taking better care of yourself.” Selek took the proffered glass of water and started sipping on it, watching his host fighting with the tube’s stopper which seemed to be stuck with disuse. He didn’t fail to observe the way Jim was straightening, unconsciously mimicking his own impeccable posture. Eventually, Jim managed to open it and started smearing the cool balm on his inflamed finger. Selek didn’t miss the sigh of relief that escaped him at the contact or the faint surprise in his eyes.

“Soooo… What brings you here, Selek? Because if you wanted to sightsee typical Earth places, maybe this isn’t the best place to start. Not that you’re not welcome here, because you are.” Jim was tripping over his own tongue, trying to find out as much as possible while still being a good host.

“It is one place among others, Jim. Why one would be better than others? They are all equally Terran.”

“Ahh, yeah, I guess you’ve got a point. It’s just it’s the middle of nowhere here and there isn’t much to do or see.”

“There is you. You have been a gracious host, a fascinating human. I am most pleased you consent to discuss with me and invite me in your home.”

 _A fascinating human_. Woah. No one had ever thought he was worth their time, never mind fascinating.

“I hope you won’t mind if I say that, to me, you are the fascinating one.”

“There is no cause for offense, Jim. Indeed, I would assume that seeing for the first time someone from another planet is interesting to you.”

“You have no idea! By the way, you must have some questions?”

“I would appreciate if you told me more about yourself. In exchange, I would tell you about my planet.” Appealing to the young man’s curiosity was the most efficient way to proceed Selek could design. Indeed, he saw his whole face brightening, a most illogical term yet appropriate to describe the result, his eyes huge with excitement.

They talked. And talked some more, until Jim’s voice was raw, his head filled with wonder. Selek described the red sands of Vulcan, the heat at the peak of the suns, the poisonous _le-matyas_ and the protective _sehlats_ , the logic every Vulcan lived by. He spoke of the stars and his travels, of the planets he had visited and the people he had met. He explained the starships and the technologies the Federation relied upon. Jim listened with burning intensity, his eyes shining with the perspectives. In return, he told Selek about the death of his parents in an accident, his games with Sam until Sam couldn’t endure this life anymore, left and was never heard of again, he told him of his distaste for Franck and his dreams to leave and explore the world, see the things Selek had talked about.

When they heard the car in the yard, Jim felt the spell shatter. Franck couldn’t see this. He would destroy it as he did everything else. Fortunately, Selek seemed to understand without a word. He actually did that a lot. He stood up and let Jim lead him to a back exit. There he offered him what Jim now knew to be a _ta’al_.

Selek started to stride swiftly toward an appropriate location to ask for beaming when he heard a soft “Wait”. Turning around, he saw Jim, a pleading look on his face.

“Will I see you again?”

There was no logical reason to come back. He had seen what he had come to see. Yet, there wasn’t any reason not to come back. The young man’s presence had proved to be agreeable and not seeing him again… He empathized with the hope in Jim’s eyes.

Selek gave a nod. Jim’s name was shouted inside. The young human looked shattered and nevertheless determined. He nodded to Selek in return and turned on his heels.

    ***

Jim was turning in his bed. He was beyond tired but he couldn’t sleep. His mind insisted on replaying each word, each minute shift on the Vulcan’s face, on fashioning pictures of his descriptions. The whole afternoon had felt so… Jim didn’t know how to qualify it. He never had a home but he imagined it felt like that. A kind of warmth that spread in your heart and your mind, making you comfortable and cared for. It had been like a dream come true. If Selek hadn’t warned him Vulcans were touch telepaths and therefore avoided touching people without reason, he would have hugged him to see if he could encompass this feeling with his whole body. And maybe to keep Selek there. Jim hadn’t wanted him to go. He finally fell asleep, dreaming of arched eyebrows, long fingers and precise diction.

Selek was sitting on his meditation mat. He was arranging his thoughts in familiar patterns, in order to apprehend every situation with as much clarity as possible. Not seeing Jim Kirk again was unacceptable. He needed to see if the young man was well. The thought of the human named Frank made him shiver inwardly. Jim had made obvious the subject was a painful one and Selek hadn’t insisted. The last thing he wanted was to cause more pain to Jim. He was dissatisfied with this turn of events and would come back to make sure Jim didn’t suffer more injuries. In addition, the young human’s mind called to his, his proximity making his own seek it, the match just as perfect as he remembered. He wouldn’t act on it. Jim had a right to a life of his own. He would just come back to make sure he was unharmed.

     ***

Selek came back. Again. And again. They talked and kept quiet, enjoying each other’s presence. They were no longer separated by a coffee table, rather walking side by side in the cornfields. One night, they sat together and Selek had to explain every star and every visible object in the night sky. This night, Jim touched him for the first time. He was always very mindful of keeping his distance with Selek so as to not go through his shields. He must have been very tired, or perhaps felt welcome, and laid his head on Selek’s shoulder. The Vulcan didn’t move, appreciating the warmth seeping from Jim and relishing the brightness of his mind.

Two days later, he came to the farm and told Jim his task had come to an end. The _Seleya_ was scheduled to leave in 2.4 days. There was much to be done before their departure and it was his last visit.

He could see the light retreating from Jim’s eyes, his shoulders slumping. He could feel his mind stretching to meet his and he took great care to keep his shields up. They sat under a tree in silence. There was nothing to be said. Eventually, Selek took the pouch he had brought with him. Inside were two items he wanted to gift Jim with. The young man received his copy of the translated _Teaching of Surak_. Selek’s grandfather had made this translation and it was one the rare items he had brought with him to this universe. It would be more useful to Jim than to him. Jim took it with care. Selek had spoken at length of this book and he understood how precious it was. He stroked the cover with reverence. Selek brought forth the second gift he had prepared for Jim. It was an IDIC pendant, a match to his own necklace. Jim had loved the idea of this philosophy when he had explained it to him and he hoped it would soothe him in his absence. He put the chain around Jim’s neck with care, meeting the blue eyes full of sadness.

There was no need for further words. Standing, he raised his hand to offer the _ta’al,_ then let his hand fall as he took in the wrecked expression on Jim’s face. Instead, he carefully stepped closer and wrapped him in his arms. Hugging wasn’t natural to a Vulcan but he knew it was the only thing that could comfort him at the moment. He could feel his pain leaking through his shields and sent a wave of warmth through their connection. Jim leaned into him and Selek rested his cheek on Jim’s hair, whispering  “My friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make it as realistic as I could. Lacking a frame of reference, I can only imagine how a First Contact would go and there aren't that many successful exemples in canon. How would you react if an alien arrived in your yard?


	4. Flying to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fortune favours the brave. Hopefully.

Almost a year later, Jim was standing in the living room, not knowing what to do with himself. He was seventeen now and had no idea what to do with his life. Well, that wasn’t true actually. He knew perfectly well what he wanted to do with himself. He wanted to leave Earth and explore. And find Selek again. Every time he turned to the couch, he could see him, holding his glass of water, his eyes filled with more understanding than it should be possible. Every time he was out in the cornfields, he could hear the precise voice detailing him the inner workings of a replicator or the way the sun set behind the mountain in front of his house. He remembered each word, each inflection, each shift in the chocolate eyes. He treasured them. It wasn’t just that he wanted to see all that, he did, but he also missed Selek.

Unfortunately, going on an exploration mission would have to wait something like fifty years, which did Jim a fat lot of good. Fifty years from now, he would be an old man. That protectorate shit the Earth representatives and the Federation officials had signed was a fucking disaster as far as he was concerned. It was supposed to, well, protect Earth against undue influences, let its people develop at their own pace… And Jim was missing out on all the fun.

He heard footsteps behind him. He didn’t need to turn around to know it was Franck. Of course, not turning around also meant he didn’t see the blow coming.

“Still there? I’d have thought you’d have left like your stupid brother. Or you don’t know where to go?”

Franck was picking a fight. Jim knew it. He took a deep breath. The annotated version of the _Teachings of Surak_ had helped him quite a lot. He would never be big on meditation and he persisted in thinking logic was overrated, but it helped. Sometimes. Like now, because there was no gain and therefore no logic in responding to Franck’s jabs and anger would only make things worse.

Apparently not responding made things worse too. Some people were never happy. And since misery loved company, Jim now sported bruises all over him and a developing black eye. He quietly packed a duffel bag with clothes, food, as much money as he could and what remained of his mother’s jewellery. He also added his book. The pendant, he kept on him at all times. Franck was right about one thing though. He had no idea where to go. He didn’t know anyone who would take him in and no one he wanted to go to. On the other hand, if he didn’t take that first step, he would never get anywhere, would he?

Shutting the door for the last time didn’t feel like a liberation or a condemnation. It just was. At most, he felt a slight dread about not knowing where he was heading. Or perhaps, it was more anticipation than anything else.

At this hour, Riverside was quiet. He sat on a bench, trying to order his thoughts.

Someone sat at his side. Despite his exhaustion, Jim turned his head to acknowledge the newcomer’s presence. To his surprise, he looked just as exhausted as he was, perhaps even worse. Jim opened his mouth to say something, he actually didn’t know what since he wasn’t in any position to offer help, when he heard the stranger gasping.

“Who did this to you, kid?”

Jim opened his mouth then closed it again.

“My uncle. What happened to _you_?”

“My wife left me. Don’t you think you should press charges?”

“Not necessary. I’m leaving anyway and he isn’t going to look for me. Why did she leave you?”

“I was working too much and not bringing back home enough money. Now she has taken our daughter and left. Where are you going then?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know. That’s what I was trying to determine.”

“Well, kid, looks to me like you have the whole world in front of you. Pick a destination and go there.”

“That’s not that simple, but thanks for the advice anyway. What are you going to do? And what’s your name? Mine is Jim. James Tiberius Kirk, but no one calls me that.”

“I can imagine. Well, for now, I’m going to find a cheap hotel and sleep. And I’m Leonard McCoy. Dr Leonard McCoy.”

“Cool. Well, good luck, Dr McCoy. There is one around the corner that should have some available rooms.”

“You could as well come with me, kid. Perk of being a doctor is that I could help with your bruises and any stuff you’re hiding under that big sweater of yours and we could share the cost of the room. What do you say?”

“That it’s a good idea. Let’s go.”

Jim was already standing up. Usually he wouldn’t have followed –much less accepted to share a room with– a total stranger. However, usual circumstances didn’t apply. He didn’t know where to go, sharing the cost of a room was wise and there was something about the other man that made him want to trust him.

***

The room was grey and sparsely furnished but reasonably clean, which was actually the most he could expect for twenty-five bucks a night.

Jim sat on one of the beds, setting his duffel bag next to him. McCoy kicked his shoes and rummaged through his own bag to emerge with some ointment.

Jim managed to get among his grumbling that it was too late to put any ice on that, they didn’t have any anyway, what kind of idiot didn’t take care of his injuries as soon as they occurred (Jim gave a sad smile at that. It sure sounded like something Selek would have said, only with more formality), and he looked like he had more bruises than he himself had bones in his body which was a feat because his damn wife had left him with barely half of them. For some reason, Jim found that hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing until tears streaked his face. In hindsight, perhaps it was everything crashing on him which prompted that reaction. He didn’t really care. He just flopped on the bed, laughing and repeating ‘Bones’ between fits. When he finally calmed down, he stared at the doctor seriously and informed him “From now on, you’ll be Bones.”

He felt better. An effect of the cooling balm or his loss of control. Eventually, they settled on their respective bed and started talking for real.

It was a messed-up situation, for both of them. Bones had lost a wife (not that it was a great loss to him apparently), pretty much every cent he had to his name and those he would earn in the future to pay her alimony, and his baby daughter, his Joanna. It was her he missed the most. Just as Jim, he had nowhere to go.

Jim explained, for the first time, what had happened with Selek. The doctor stared at him, let out a whistle and laughed.

“Who would have thought? With them on TV, all prim and proper, emotionless and everything and you go and make friends with one of them. Congratulations, kid! If I had a hat, I would tip it to you.”

“I was the most surprised, Bones. But, you know, it’s not funny. I really miss him.”

“Then you gotta do what you gotta do to find him, kid.”

The doctor’s eyes were earnest.

 ***

That was how Jim found himself one week later in the streets of NYC, charming his way through pretty much every level of the underground hierarchy, in order to find information on the commercial (smuggling) lines recently installed.

Money wouldn’t work here. Not the kind of money he had anyway. Confidence and charm were his best bets when dealing with those people. Jim intensely despised them. He suspected it was because a part of him knew that it would be very easy for him to end up in a place like that, should he fail in his efforts. It made him grit his teeth, aware it was highly likely Sam was in a similar situation. After all, there weren’t a lot of opportunities for runaway kids.

In the end, it paid off. He got a location and a name. Not much, but it could have been worse. At least, it was a start.

The guy was an Orion, bald and really, really green. Jim remembered the slight shiver of distaste the usually composed Selek had let escape before he explained their trade of choice. For a minute, he wondered if he should reconsider. He had no plan to be sold in slavery and this was looking like a big possibility if the guy’s blatant leer was any indication. No, he wouldn’t back off. Couldn’t afford it now. He just had to look more dangerous than he really was, that was all.

As Vulcan was the founding member of the Federation, their language was the most commonly used. Selek had taught Jim some words and sentences but there was only some much Vulcan one could learn in three weeks, and practicing on his own wasn’t the best. Fortunately, these guys had been doing business on Earth for some months and could manage some English pidgin, which, mixed with Jim’s notions of Vulcan, allowed for a stilted conversation.

The Orion –Jim didn’t catch his name– seemed to think his tentative to reach Vulcan hilarious, though not hilarious enough to turn down payment. With a heavy heart, Jim relinquished pretty much all that was left from his mother’s jewellery. He liked to think she would have approved of his endeavour. She always told him to follow his heart. His heart was leading him to the stars and, hopefully, to Selek.

The Orion Captain instructed him to come back the next day at noon and to bring his own food. The journey was supposed to last about three weeks. His laugh when he said that led Jim to suspect there probably would be some unscheduled stops made. It was all right by him as long as he made it to Vulcan eventually.

Before buying an inordinate amount of power bars, he tried to call Bones at his work. As he feared, the man was on duty. He left his message, not knowing if it would be transmitted but knowing it was unlikely he would ever see the kind doctor again. Uttering to a bored secretary the words “I am leaving. Good bye and take care” would have sounded like a great adventure in a book. Here and now, it filled him with a sense of how huge and dangerous it was going to be, of how irrevocable his decisions and acts would be. He couldn’t change his mind if things became tough because home would be very far away and he would be very alone. Funny how he had never considered Earth to be his home before being on the verge of leaving it. Funny how he had always thought he didn’t need anyone before having to go all on his own.

 ***

Space travel was boring. All right, it was exciting the first few days, the sheer idea to be in space, traveling faster than light, with all that wicked technology around him. It grew old quickly when it became apparent there wasn’t much he could do. The wicked technology was out of his reach, the Captain didn’t want someone who didn’t know what they were doing touching his instruments, which made sense, and no one had the time to teach him. Being at warp speed meant he couldn’t even watch the stars, the lightning was highly depressing for a human brain and cramming as much Vulcan as he could with some material one of the crewmen had provided him with wasn’t much fun on his own.

Still, he made progress. He was now able to hold a proper conversation in Vulcan with the crewmen and even understand some of their own tongue, mostly through some relatively transparent jokes about him. Jim figured some things were universal. He managed to understand the Captain had actually accepted him because he thought Jim was pursuing his love and that was something he respected. Jim thought it best not to point out his mistake but spent quite some time trying to find out why the Captain would have drawn such a preposterous conclusion. The knowing winks from the crewmen didn’t exactly help.

Just as Jim had imagined, there were some stops along the road. He was never allowed to leave the ship, something about proper Federation ID and not wanting him to fall in law enforcement’s hands before they were very far away. At least, it meant that, while the Captain was away doing business, Jim could enlist someone’s help to figure out the workings of the consoles. He never saw any need to advertise it, but, between thorough observation and a few lessons, he became capable to operate the vessel, at least on a basic level. He wouldn’t be able to fight or anything, but, at least, he would be able to get out of one.

He was kind of lost in the dates and unfamiliar with the stardate calendar but he thought it took a little over a month to reach Vulcan. The planet was displayed on the screen, as if to remind him of the odds while he was listening to the Captain explaining they would beam him at the outskirt of Shi’Kar and then he would be on his own, without ID, without visa, the only human on the planet, to deal with immigration and everything he could encounter.

Jim knew he had been beyond lucky. Anything could have happened to him. When he was younger, he had heard speeches about the infamous Kirk luck _ad nauseam_. Since his parents had died in an accident, he had never believed it. Now he was wondering. He sure hoped it would last a little bit longer.

He thanked the Captain and the crew who both replied with loud whistles. He felt his atoms separate and then he was sweating in a heat he would never have imagined on his own. He felt like his whole weight was trying to drag him into the ground. Even raising his foot was an effort. An effort he had to make. He couldn’t give up now. Squinting his eyes against the light, he tried to understand where he was. Selek had explained his house was one of the last before entering the desert and, from there, one could see Mount Seleya as a double-eared bonnet. It had made Jim laugh. Now it didn’t make him laugh anymore because he could now see approximately where it must be and it was on the other side of the town. He sighed and then, with his mouth closed against the sand-charged wind, started his walk in the right direction.

 ***

Selek couldn’t understand the logic in the new engines’ conception. Reworking these plans would take him 7.2 days, factoring in his other duties, 7.2 days he could have used on more interesting and productive activities. _Kaiidth_. As humans would say, there was no use crying over spilt milk. Thinking about the ridiculous idiom led him to the picture of Jim. He wondered what he was doing at the moment. Jim was a promising young human, surely he had found a way to do well in life. Selek didn’t think the protectorate established on Earth was a good thing, but he was only one person and the final decision wasn’t in his hands. He could only hope it hadn’t discouraged Jim too much. Selek recognized the importance of moral for humans, especially for Jim. Perhaps, he could find a way to go and see him.

He went to the kitchen, intent on making himself a cup of tea. He was walking along the hall when he heard the door alarm sounding. He opened the door.

  ***

Jim didn’t remember ever being this tired. Actually, he couldn’t remember anything. His brain had turned to porridge about an hour after arriving. Just putting a foot in front of another was exhausting. Every so often, he raised his head to check his position against the mountain. He was nearing the right street, he knew it, but, damn, it was so slow. He was so slow. When he reached a crossroad, he lifted his eyes once again. Mount Seleya was indeed a double-eared bonnet. Had he had any drop of water left to spare in his body, he would have cried in relief. Instead, not even capable of mustering a smile, he continued on the road, checking the name in front of each house. It was a slow process, slowed even more by his poor grasp on written Vulcan. Sometimes, it took him a good minute to decipher the ornate glyphs.

Selek of the House of Surak. It was indeed one of the last houses before the desert. The sly old monkey had never mentioned Surak was one of his ancestors. Jim made his way among weird plants toward the door. His fried brain came back online long enough to remind him that perhaps he wasn’t home, perhaps he was somewhere out there, exploring, and what would he do in that case? He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it sooner. Well, no point in delaying the inevitable. He raised his arm toward what looked a lot like a bell.

 ***

Jim was there. A dusty, filthy, exhausted Jim with a duffel bag at his feet. He looked on the verge of collapsing. Selek reached to the young man to catch him before he face planted on the threshold. He seemed incapable of taking a step further and yet he found the strength to offer Selek a large grin and burning blue eyes.

 ***

Selek hadn’t changed one bit. He was still the same super restrained guy with the nevertheless warm eyes. For the first time, it occurred to Jim that, maybe, he wouldn’t have been welcome but, in the same thought, he knew he was. He had reached his destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to go and say the Orions didn't do anything because it wouldn't have been worth the game just for one person. And perhaps, the Captain did like Jim. Seems to be a common affliction.  
> Next chapter there will be... well, I did say crossing the galaxy was the easy part...


	5. I want to be an outstanding citizen of the Federation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with Legal stuff: the Beginning. Oh, and meeting T'Pau.

They sat in the living room. At least, Jim figured it was a living room. There was a small table and something that looked like the galaxy’s most uncomfortable couch. Selek put the duffel in a corner of the room with movements as economical and gracious as Jim remembered. He invited him to sit and handed him a glass of water, instructing him to sip on it rather than swallow it full immediately. Jim died to down it in one go but he knew Selek was correct. Forcing himself to take small sips, he reclined against the couch’s back, his abused muscles falling in a slouch, incapable of fighting any longer against exhaustion, dehydration and heavy gravity.

Selek didn’t press for answers. Most of the story, he could reconstruct from Jim’s appearance. The rest would wait until he was more fit for it, perhaps after a proper meal and rest. He assessed the young man with trained eyes, used to the many injuries his captain had endured on an almost weekly basis, trying to determine if the services of a healer would be required. To his relief, he only seemed leaner (under nourished?), dehydrated and in need of a night’s sleep, all of which he could provide. There were some chemicals that could help him deal with the heavier gravity and the rarefied atmosphere, and he possessed all of them.

Jim’s eyes were closed. It was unlikely he was aware of Selek’s appraisal. His fingers were tight around the glass. He probably feared letting it drop out of tiredness. When he finally reached the bottom, Selek took it from his hands, refilled it, put it on the table and returned to his seat. Catching Jim’s now open eyes, he asked calmly “Do you feel capable of eating a light meal?”

Jim stared at him for 35 seconds before answering. At first, Selek feared his exhaustion was deeper than it looked. His reaction was due to surprise.

“I arrive, unexpected, on your doorstep and the first thing you ask me is if I’m capable of eating?”

His voice was incredulous. Selek couldn’t comprehend why. His enquiry was most logical in these circumstances.

“Er, yes. That is yes, I can eat. I’m actually pretty hungry. And, Selek? I’m really sorry to drop here unannounced. I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“While it is true your arrival is a surprise, it is not an unpleasant one, Jim. You are welcome. I am concerned, however, that you thought going on such a long and dangerous journey seemed to you a better option than staying on Earth.” Selek was concerned. Concerned in a way he hadn’t been since he felt Jim’s unhappiness for the first time and understood its causes. It stood to reason these causes were the same that led Jim to Vulcan.

The meal went in a comfortable quietness. Selek never was one to talk at mealtime and Jim was too tired to chat as he usually did. He was also too tired to notice what he was eating.

Instead of asking questions, Selek led Jim to one of the guest rooms. They had never served since his own arrival. He indicated by a few words where everything was and prepared to retreat for the night in his own room. He was already at the door when he noticed Jim was just standing here, not looking at anything, seemingly lost. Selek came back to him, trying to catch his eyes. When he failed, he reached for Jim’s s left shoulder. It did it. Jim broke down, a wave of hurt clouding his eyes as only warning before he started crying. Spock had little experience with crying humans but he hadn’t failed to observe that the most efficient way to alleviate their sorrow was to hold them, to provide them with warmth, presence and support. So he did just that. Touching him made Selek recognize Jim’s state as a blend of exhaustion and acute distress.

He led Jim to the bed and sat next to him, holding him. He couldn’t say it was something he was experienced in and the unknown movements didn’t come easily but, as minutes passed, it became effortless. Jim calmed down progressively, making the exercise rewarding. Selek knew he had formed an emotional attachment to the young man, first prompted by his similarity to the Jim Kirk of his universe and now fueled by the courage and absolute trust this Jim had shown.

Jim knew he should feel ashamed for breaking down on Selek, especially after crashing his gate. Selek didn’t seem to mind though, and for whatever reason he had craved this embrace since the day they parted. It felt safe and at home, Selek smelled good and the wooly material (how could he endure wool by this heat?) of his robe was softer than it looked against his face. It was weird to not hear his hearbeat. Heart must be somewhere else… That was his last thought before he drifted off to sleep.

Jim’s breathing was now regular and his head heavier against Selek’s chest. He was asleep. Selek carefully took off his boots and his T-shirt, managed to get him under a blanket without anything louder than a grumble and left the room quietly after lowering the temperature to a more manageable level for a human.

Back in the living room, he sat down on the couch, thinking of every possible repercussion of Jim’s coming. While it was true he was glad to see the young man and would always offer shelter to him without question, he couldn’t ignore the fact he most likely travelled illegally, had no Federation ID and was violating the Protectorate Agreement signed between Earth and the Federation. Considering Jim’s age, it wasn’t illogical to hypothesize further impediment from Children Protection Services. Unfortunately, there was very little he could do besides using his influence and his numerous connections and sources to facilitate Jim’s passage. He would have to deal with these problems as they happened.

 ***

Breakfast was as quiet as dinner was. After cleaning the table and washing the dishes, Selek turned to Jim and arched a questioning eyebrow, knowing Jim would understand the meaning of it. Indeed he did. He took a deep breath and started his tale. Selek’s eyebrow disappeared higher and higher behind his fringe. It wasn’t incredulity: he knew Jim was quite capable of this and his presence here proved his story. Instead it was growing admiration and horror. He didn’t think Jim realized exactly how close he had been to become a slave or get killed. The galaxy was a war-riddled place. Selek weighed the benefits of telling him just that before settling on staying quiet. As it was, Jim probably suspected all that already and it was illogical to dwell on things past. Watching Jim gesturing wildly, explaining his negotiations with the Orion Captain, he repressed a sigh. All was well for now. No need to concern himself about things which no longer required it. Besides, this Jim was as creative and charming as his older counterpart. Selek had no doubt he could get out of most situations.

“And that’s how I found your place. I remembered you said that, from your house, Mount Seleya looked like a double-eared bonnet and I just calculated the angle your house would have to be in order to see that configuration. After that, it was just a matter of matching your name against the one on the inside cover of the book you gave me. Besides, I learnt a little bit of spoken and written Vulcan during the journey, so it made things easier.”

Selek doubted things had been that easy. The symptoms Jim exhibited when he arrived showed he had badly reacted both to the heat and the gravity. That being said, his willingness and capacity to learn Vulcan, written form included, mostly on his own, was commendable.

“Jim, as gratified as I am to see you here, you realize your presence is highly illegal. We will have to regularize your situation as privately as possible. You can still expect complications.”

He hadn’t intended this announcement to be as dire. Jim’s shoulders dropped and he said, with none of his usual confidence “They are going to send me back, aren’t they?”

This was not going to happen as long as Selek could help it. And help it he could indeed. First step was to contact this secretary he knew at the Office for the Registration of non Federation Species members. She wasn’t a gossip and would be sympathetic to Jim’s plight.

  ***

The Office for the Registration of non Federation Species members was surprisingly similar to any Terran office Jim had come across in his life. Some things seemed to be universal. He couldn’t identify the species of the smiling lady behind the desk and figured it would be rude to ask. With the help of the translator he had been given, he listened to Selek explaining the situation in broad streaks, insisting on the fact that it wouldn’t have been safe for Jim to stay on Earth and that he had no family which would miss him. The lady nodded gravely and invited Jim to sit down. Confirming what Selek said was harder than he thought. Finally, she jotted a few notes on her PADD and looked at Jim right in his eyes.

“I am going to do everything in my power to have you registered without a fuss. I want you to understand though, that it is unlikely to be so easy, especially considering you are very young. You will probably have to argue your case to a higher authority. Are you prepared to do that?”

“Ma’am, there is nothing left for me on Earth. I want to become a citizen of the Federation. Here I can have a future and make myself useful. That’s all I want.”

“I can tell you have the potential to be an outstanding citizen of the Federation, James. For this reason, and because Selek is vouching for you, I am willing to push for your registration. I just don’t want to give you hope when there isn’t any certainty it’s going to work.”

 ***

The words were still ringing in his ears when they left after he signed something like two billion of different documents. They were walking through the maze of halls, thankfully colder than the outside, probably out of politeness to the many other present species. The injections Selek had given him helped, but not enough that he was no longer uncomfortable. Trailing behind the Vulcan was actually not so easy. For an old man (how old was he anyway?), he had a long stride.

Selek stopped abruptly. Jim made a step on the side to avoid crashing on his back and saw the reason for his sudden halt. There was an old Vulcan woman here. She must have been beautiful when she was young, but now she was scary in an I-am-looking-at-you-and-I-see-everything-you-have-ever-done kind of way. She was tiny, with an unmistakable presence. She had one eyebrow raised in a line Jim was starting to find frustratingly familiar.

Selek greeted the old woman, Jim following suite, hoping speaking low would cover any mistaken pronunciation. She didn’t look like someone who would turn a blind eye to failings of any kind. Especially for something as simple as saying hello. She returned the greeting, her eyebrow still arched.

Finally, Selek relented.

“Elder T’Pau, my companion is James Kirk.”

“A Terran, I see. I was not aware there was any commercial or travelling lines established between Earth and Vulcan, nor that the Protection agreement we have with the Terrans allowed for extra planetary travel.”

“James came to me through different channels, High Councilor. Our presence here today aims to regularize his presence.”

Her stillness was unnerving.

“See that it is done promptly. There are many projects which require your attention, Selek. You can’t spend too much time on this human.”

With that and a salute, she was gone.

 ***

Back home – _home_ —Selek invited Jim to sit.

“Planning for one’s future is long and requires to be thoroughly thought through. I suggest we start now.”

“Even if we aren’t sure if I can stay?”

“I am not letting you come back. You would not be safe, Jim.”

“So, well, my future?”

“Yes. In order to be as efficient as possible, we should start by defining what you want to do with your life.”

Jim looked gobsmacked. “Jeez, Selek, it sounded like something out of a university pamphlet. Vulcans say that too?”

“It is logical to determine what one enjoys the most to find the most satisfaction in one’s employment and therefore be the most productive.”

“Er, Selek? You find satisfaction in your job?” For some reason, the answer seemed important to Jim.

Selek’s eyes were perfectly calm and his voice betrayed nothing of his thoughts when he answered steadily “I do.”

Which job he was talking about remained to be seen. He had no complaint about his duties and Jim’s presence was a welcome change.

“Well, er, well, I listened to you when you were talking about the places you’ve explored and I’d like to do that. Be a starship captain.”

Selek wasn’t surprised. There probably wasn’t any universe where Jim Kirk didn’t have that dream. To hear it confirmed was unnecessary.

“I believe you have the making of a starship captain. However, before being ready for Starfleet Academy, there are many things you will need to learn. The level of scientific knowledge on Earth is unsatisfactory. I have every confidence, though, that you are fully capable of learning and understanding everything you will need.”

True, learning usually came easily to Jim but no one had ever mentioned thinking he would be fit to be anything else than a delinquent by the time he was eighteen. Once again, the trust in him Selek was displaying was unexpected, heartwarming and borderline daunting. He would have to work hard to prove himself worthy of it.

“Thank you, Selek. I mean it.”

“No thanks are necessary for merely stating a fact. Before you sit the exam, you will have to follow a program of intensive learning I will oversee myself. Is that acceptable to you?”

“Acceptable? Selek, you can’t be serious! You don’t have to do all that! Besides, didn’t the Elder lady we met today say that she needed you to work on Council stuff?”

“Councilor T’Pau has an instant distrust of anything coming close to me. While I respect her and her authority, I am under no obligation to answer to her. In addition, I am perfectly capable of performing my duties and designing an educative program for you.”

“Woah Selek! It’s a lot, just for me. You don’t have to, you know.”

“This is the second time you have said I do not have to do this. It is true I have no legal obligation to help you. Rather, I desire it. Contrary to what you think, you are entirely deserving of every effort I could put into assisting you. You are very important to me, Jim.”

He didn’t… know how to answer this. Was there an answer? It didn’t seem to be a question. More like a loaded affirmation. He was afraid to ask what Selek meant by that. On the other hand, did it really matter? Selek was very important to him as well, on a level he couldn’t define and didn’t care to analyze. It was enough that it was there and felt good.

“You’re very important to me, too.” It wasn’t doubts that made his voice so hesitant, not even being unsure of the proper way to answer this. It was the consequences of his acknowledging it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things should be picking up speed soon. You didn't think it would be so easy, I hope?


	6. Your emotional housing of an emotional human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life on Vulcan. Meeting Sarek (and others).

Considering it meant leaving the air conditioning of his room for the planet’s dry heat, it wasn’t hard to get up the next morning. As he jumped out of bed, Jim found a giant goofy smile on his face. Maybe he was becoming a morning person. It helped that mornings were actually tolerable, temperature wise.

Jim loved Vulcan. He really did. Except for the climate. And the food. Half of it was bland, completely devoid of any taste (any that registered on his tastebuds at any rate), the other half was ultra spicy, like eye-watering spicy. Thankfully, breakfast was of the bland kind, a sort of mostly liquid porridge. Usually, they ate in silence. This time, Selek put his spoon quietly down halfway through his meal.

“I have designed your first lessons. If you are amenable, it would be beneficial to start on them as soon as possible.”

Jim put his own spoon on his plate, far less quietly.

“You mean you have designed several lessons since yesterday evening? Selek, when do you sleep?”

“Vulcans need less sleep than humans in order to function optimally. I assure you, I got the exact amount of necessary rest.”

“Well, ready if you are. If you have nowhere to go immediately after breakfast, we could start straight away, then?” Jim made sure to sound a lot more confident than he felt. He had that awful feeling he was going to get his ass handed to him. He knew he was smart and understood stuff faster than most people, but Selek worked on a completely different level. His time on the Orion ship had taught him he was _very_ far behind in all things scientific and there were several languages to be learnt and he was still struggling with Vulcan. Basic conversation was all well and good but it wasn’t going to take him very far.

Some of it must have shown on his face because Selek looked at him with even more serious expression than usual.

“We can. I have no doubt you will be able to perform satisfactorily.”

  ***

Two hours later, Jim was struggling with his equations and performing satisfactorily was now a vague ambition for a hypothetical future. Right now, he would settle for not making a complete idiot of himself. It had sounded simple when Selek had explained it! Now, it was more like a big mush of explanations that had a very loose relation to the damn thing in front of him. When Selek would come home, he would be so disappointed. Of course, he wouldn’t show it because it was an emotion and because he was too nice to ever show that to Jim. That made it even worse. OK, time to reread his notes and start again…

Linguistic lessons were a bit easier. A good ear and a great memory capacity helped along. As it was, when Selek came back home at the end of the day, his brain felt bruised and aching and his eyes were teary from staring at a screen for too long. Upon hearing the entrance door, he jumped from his seat and rushed toward the living room, only to stop dead in his tracks.

There was another Vulcan with Selek, a tall male with dark hair and a strong jaw. If Jim wanted to apply his own standards he would have said he looked stubborn. Failing that, his look was definitely disapproving, with his cool eyes and his eyebrow arching so high it was disappearing behind his fringe. Jim offered his best ta’al, his face a mask of impassibility. Best not to offend Selek’s guest.

It seemed Selek’s guest was offended anyway if his stiff demeanor and chilling voice were anything to go by. Jim never thought a greeting could convey so much, especially for people whose emotions were so repressed they pretended they didn’t exist.

“I offer you my name. Stenak cha’ Stenis.”

“I offer you mine. James Kirk.” Jim was starting to feel distinctly ill-at-ease. He held back the urge to shuffle his feet and forced himself to meet the eyes of Stenak son of Stenis fair and square.

“I will let you discuss… unless you want me to offer you something to drink?” He directed this last sentence at Selek. Stenak might be a jerk. It didn’t mean Jim had to be as impolite.

His slow elocution, mindful of shaping correctly the foreign sounds, earned him a quasi sneer.

“There is no need, Jim. I will see to it. Stenak and I have to work.” _Translation, in your own interest, Jim, don’t disturb us._

“All right. I’ll see you later.” With a nod to Stenak, Jim left the room.

It seemed that when Vulcans were working, they didn’t do things halfway. Two hours later, dinnertime had come and passed, Jim was beyond hungry and there was only so much study one could do on an empty stomach. Mindful of the keen Vulcan hearing, he tiptoed to the kitchen and programmed the replicator to give him a quick dinner. While waiting for it to process his request, he stood closer to the door, trying to figure out what they were talking about. Just for language practice, of course.

He scrunched up his face, trying to make sense of the syllables at such a distance.

“…Human.” The word was clear. He couldn’t have made a mistake. They were talking about him?

“Jim is my guest, Stenak. I would appreciate if you took this under consideration.”

“T’Pau lets you do as you please, Selek. But I, for one, would be gratified to learn exactly the reasons of your presence here. Or of your unseemly behavior. There is no reason for you to keep this human.”

“There are many reasons, which I am under no obligation to explain to you.” Jim couldn’t see Selek, but it wasn’t hard to imagine his eyes slightly narrowed in that particular way he had when he was annoyed.

“You are having an emotional reaction, Selek. Your loss of control shames us all. I advise you meditate on this issue.”

“Housing a guest is hardly an emotional reaction, Stenak.”

“And yet you are housing an emotional human. Is it his proximity making you lose control?”

Selek had in no way lost control, thought Jim. If he had, he would have punched that guy right in his nose a long time ago.

Sadly, displays of violence would have to wait. He could hear Selek standing up and escorting Stenak to the door. Jim busied himself with his bowl. He didn’t know if eavesdropping was as rude here as on Earth, but he would bet his shirt on it. They were, after all, sticklers for rules.

He barely heard footsteps before sensing Selek’s presence in the kitchen. Schooling his face as best as he could, he turned around to greet him.

Obviously, Selek wasn’t deceived by his innocent expression. He sat down gracefully on one of the chairs and crossed his hands precisely in his lap.

“You have heard and understood our conversation.” It wasn’t even a question.

“Part of it, yes. Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Selek’s raised eyebrow clearly illustrated his disbelief.

“Well, I heard the word ‘human’. I had to check.”

“Curiosity is commendable and to be encouraged. However, for your own sake, I would advise you to exercise it in appropriate locations and at appropriate times.”

“Sure. Are you going to get in troubles because I’m here?”

“No, Jim.”

“But Stenak said…”

Selek interrupted him. A sure sign he was unhappy with that discussion.

“What Stenak said is of no importance. My people tend to be rather distrustful of strangers and someone who broadcasts his emotions as loudly as you do is considered an intruder. I will teach you how to control your mind inasmuch as it is possible.”

“Why did he say he didn’t know what you were doing here?”

“Because my duties to the High Council are unclear to most and will remain so.”

“Oh! … Are you some kind of spy, then?”

“No, Jim. I am certainly not some kind of spy. Are you going to replicate a meal for me?”

With that, Jim knew the discussion was closed.

***

The following days happened much in the same way, minus the unexpected and unwelcome visitors. Jim struggled less and less with his coursework. Apparently, it was a matter of building strong foundations. Once he managed to understand the basis for most of the physics in use, the rest came easily enough.

Selek was watching Jim with something he refused to name pride. The young man was absorbing knowledge with efficiency and precision. His delighted smile whenever he understood a new law or completed an exercise to his satisfaction was a reward to his efforts. As always when he was watching Jim, his thoughts strayed to the past and to a future he knew he had no right to. He understood he couldn’t keep Jim forever. He also knew the house would seem deserted after his departure, as illogical as it sounded. This departure was not imminent, though, and Jim would keep on warming his soul for a long time.

Lately, he had taken to send him on errands on his own, to test his capacity to interact with Vulcans and other members of the Federation, both linguistically and culturally. Jim’s stories when he came home were always edifying. Besides, the young man had a knack for telling them. He reenacted them with words, accents (as close as he could get them), gestures and postures. Jim Kirk was a born comedian. Selek would never admit it out loud, but Jim was hilarious and he often had to work hard on keeping his composure in front of his antics.

“And then he flicked his tail – a dramatic sweep of Jim’s hand– as if he were offended and he knocked down the whole shelf. T’Serra was not amused.”

“Vulcans are not amused as a rule, Jim. Besides, loss of wares is a serious thing for a shopkeeper and this shelf could have hurt someone as it fell. There was nothing amusing about this situation”

There was. Selek had spent enough time around humans to recognize the humour in it and even share it to a certain extent. That being said, he had noticed that Jim found his constant reiterations of the emotionless ways of the Vulcans highly funny. His Jim did, too. The parallel didn’t bring with it the sharp pain it used to. Perhaps it was because he was finding a new purpose. Perhaps it was because this Jim was slowly filling a hole in his mind. This Jim didn’t quite fit in it, but he helped.

  ***

Jim rarely went to bed early after dinner. He was exhausted, that wasn’t the problem. His coursework could keep three persons busy. He stayed up because it would be a shame not to enjoy the rapidly cooling temperatures of the desert. He also stayed up because of Selek. Jim had the distinct impression Selek was very lonely. Not in the sense where he would stay holed up in his house all the time, no. He was working outside and spoke with many people. It was more like nobody cared about him. There seemed to be an invisible wall between the rest of the world and him and, for the life of him, Jim couldn’t figure out why. Vulcans could be very restrained people, but he hadn’t had such a sensation watching other Vulcans interacting. Jim couldn’t do anything about the way Selek was treated by others but he could damn well do something so that he would feel welcome in his own house.

That was why he often sought Selek out for a game of chess, a quiet conversation or just company while they were reading in the early night hours. It was one such evening when the doorbell rang. The sound wasn’t shrill as it was on Earth, rather soft and melodic, yet it commanded attention. Maybe it came from the fact Vulcan households were a lot quieter than Terran ones. Jim didn’t know, but he liked this version better.

Selek rose, as gracefully as he did everything else. Jim followed him into the hall, keeping a respectable distance so as to not look like an impatient child (and get a better perspective on their new guest while they couldn’t see him). It was an old man, though not as old as Selek. He had broader shoulders and was slightly smaller, yet Jim saw some likeness in their features. Perhaps they were family. They greeted each other solemnly. Selek invited the other man to come in and Jim watched him step inside fully and offered him a ta’al. The stranger clearly knew about his presence. He betrayed no surprise and greeted him courteously in return. Though he wasn’t showing any emotion, there was no coldness in his eyes. Maybe some curiosity?

The man’s name was Sarek, son of Skonn. It didn’t take long for Jim to remember where he had first seen that name. It was on the first page of his copy of the Teachings of Surak. He hadn’t noticed at first because he couldn’t read the Vulcan glyphs for names and when he had learnt, it had completely left his mind. Now he was finding this very suspicious. Vulcans didn’t think logical to give a child the same name as someone alive as it was bound to create confusions. Therefore, homonymy problems were quite rare. Ah, well. Maybe he was reading too much into this. At least this guy acted friendly enough.

They all sat in the living room, sipping on tea Jim was proud to say he had prepared himself. After a silence, Sarek started.

“My visit has for main goal to enquire after your health, Selek. I also wished to meet the young human you have taken in your care.”

If Jim had known how to do it, he would have raised his eyebrow Vulcan way and said ‘fascinating’.

“You find me in perfect health, Sarek. James is also well.”

“I am gratified to hear that.”

With that, it was like the damn wall just crumbled under Jim’s eyes. Sarek obviously cared about Selek. Why, Jim had no idea and the whole situation looked very weird. But, hey, it wasn’t the most important thing here. And Jim wanted to be nice to someone who was nice to Selek.

He summoned as much of the Kirk charm as he could without resorting to his blinding smile and turned fully to Sarek.

“I didn’t know I was becoming so famous.”

“I had to see for myself someone who managed to make Selek speak of him with so much praise.”

“Selek speaks of me with praise?” Jim turned to Selek. “You do?”

“Selek has commended your progress to me in his last correspondence. It is most unusual.”

“I give praise where it is earned. Jim’s progress is truly commendable.”

“Then I will not trouble you further, Elder. I see that all is well.”

Jim felt he was missing a ton of subtext. The whole conversation was cryptic as hell.

After escorting Sarek to the door and greeting properly, he turned to Selek and looked at him questioningly.

“Who was that?”

“A person I have worked with, occasionally.”

“What’s the deal with him?”

“I do not understand what you mean.”

Vulcans didn’t lie. Pfft! They didn’t lie because they refused to get in conversation where they would have to, more like it.

Jim dropped the matter. Selek seemed almost… sad. And weary.

The next morning was quieter than usual. Jim kept sneaking glances at Selek to ascertain if he was all right and Selek kept pretending he didn’t see them. They were going over the lessons for the day when the doorbell rang again. For people who enjoyed their privacy so much, they certainly visited each other a lot. Only, it wasn’t a visitor. It was two visitors. Two federation officials. Who didn’t look like they were there for a courtesy call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I did say it wouldn't be easy.


	7. Logic without Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As expected, things are getting bad.

The Vulcan and the Andorian were stiff. So stiff it made Jim’s muscles ache sympathetically. They wanted to know what the hell was going on. Well, they didn’t phrase it that way, but that was what it meant. They didn’t seem to care his citizenship application was currently being processed. To them, his illegal journey and his violation of the protectorate agreement cancelled his rights to a Federation citizenship.

They argued ever so politely. It was an exchange of logical arguments over another, everyone trying to outlogic the other. Sadly, the officials had the law on their side. Jim knew it was useless to appeal to their compassion, but he couldn’t leave without a fight. Gathering his strength for an exchange that would decide his whole future, he met the Andorian’s eyes.

“Sir, I was actually seeking asylum with a friend. I had to leave my uncle before I got injured more seriously than I could deal with.”

The Andorian didn’t look moved in the slightest. He probably heard this kind of story every day.

“Mr Kirk, you are, as I see in your file, a legal minor in the regard of both Federation law and your home planet law. Surely, Earth authorities have ways of dealing with such problems.” It wasn’t even a question. The Andorian was completely right, of course. There was nothing that could counter-attack his logic. Jim tried anyway.

“Yes, there are. There are just not used.”

Same indifference.

“Mr Kirk, there is nothing in your position that justifies seeking a Vulcan citizen you should never have even met in the first place. As I previously mentioned, you are a minor. Selek is an Elder whose duties do not include fostering young humans. This situation is deeply inappropriate and seriously questionable.”

What? Jim’s eyes widened as he took in the implications of what the official was saying. He wasn’t accusing Selek of… yes he was. And from the deepening creases on his face, Selek understood it as well and was infuriated.

“Accusing me of impropriety is a grave charge, officer Shlis. Are you prepared to follow this through? Because I can certify, with the testimony of a telepathic witness if necessary, that nothing untoward happened.”

An angry Selek was a scary Selek. Jim was… actually happy to see that. He was going to need it. The officials didn’t seem to share his opinion since Shlis took an instinctive step back despite Selek having not moved an inch and the Vulcan tensed.

Shlis insisted. “You have to admit this looks strange.”

“”There is no logic in basing actions on appearances. Your time would be better spent dealing with facts, officer.” Selek’s voice was cutting now. He was pissed, that much was plain.

The Vulcan intervened for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.

“The facts are as follow, Elder Selek. Mr Kirk is here illegally, according to the laws of his planet as well as the laws of the Federation. In application of the law, he will be escorted back to Earth where his authorities will decide on the appropriate sanction.”

Jim never paid much attention in class and math were so much more interesting than history or literature. It didn’t mean he didn’t know anything about either and he was pretty sure that _Dura Lex_ _sed Lex_ was a very much criticized principle by many people. In addition, he was certain that logic, even according to Surak, had never been meant to be used without perspective. Philosophical issues wouldn’t gain him anything though. There was nothing left to say and they all knew it. A few minutes later, the officials informed Jim they would fetch and escort him to the docks at 9 am the following day. Should he fail to be there, he would be hunted down and jailed.

 ***

Selek didn’t stay idle. He called most of his connections, starting by the lady of the Registration Office. They all said the same thing. They didn’t do anything and couldn’t help. Apparently, they were ordered by someone higher than them. It didn’t take a genius to suspect T’Pau. Selek was staring at his screen darkly, hands perfectly flat on the table.

Jim was pacing aggressively, stopping for a while when he remembered where he was then starting again. It was doubly painful and unfair. He had left in the first place because there was nothing on Earth for him, because Franck was a mean drunk, because he knew, with an absolute certainty that his future was in the stars. He had left because he felt tied to Selek in a way that defied his words. Jim was feeling sick to his stomach at the perspective of getting sent back and leaving Selek on his own. It was kinda stupid, really. Selek was a grown adult and had managed on his own for decades. Jim still felt that their being together was something meant to happen. He feared how Selek would drown in the sorrow he could sometimes see in the older man’s eyes. He feared how Selek would close in on himself behind the wall that mysteriously appeared whenever he was talking to someone.

 ***

Selek was out of logical options. Yet, there was no way he would let go of Jim. His shining mind would rot and eat at himself far from the stars and the mental stimulation he had grown accustomed to. He could almost envision the bruises on his face left by fists and various objects thrown at him.

Going against T’Pau was not a logical option. She was ruthless in her application of logic and he could not hope to oppose her in that area. Appealing to feelings as Jim, emotional human he was, had tried to do, was doomed to failure. The only possibility was to invoke the t’hy’la bond. However, it was the one thing that would make her redouble her effort to separate them. Selek wasn’t sure exactly how much she had seen in his mind, but he suspected it was a great deal more than he had intended. She most likely feared for the secrets he harbored, for the reiteration of a bond that she considered an offense. He had one night to find a solution and he knew there was none. Had his captain been there, he would have chosen to run and to hell with the consequences as he would have said. This Jim was much younger and didn’t possess the familial, hierarchical support and general good opinion the other one did. Still, he would offer. Selek firmly believed in choices.

He turned to face his friend. It was painful to watch Jim’s face so torn, so devoid of any hope. He could feel the despair his mind was broadcasting. The need to bring him relief and comfort submerged him. How could he refuse the one who held the other half of their t’hy’la bond?

He took a step forward and embraced him, arms coming around his shoulders, one hand in his hair. As all Vulcans, Selek shied from touches in order to avoid the telepathic invasion inevitably coming with it. This time, he welcomed it and offered a wave of mental comfort in return, feeling Jim’s back relaxing slightly as he received it. After a few seconds, Jim returned it, slipping his arms behind Selek’s back. He could feel Jim leaning into him more and more until he was the only thing keeping him upright.

Gently, Selek led them both the couch and sat them both down, Jim’s face still buried in his chest. Jim was clinging to him like a drowning man, trying to merge with him. Selek rubbed circles on his back as he had seen numerous humans do for grieving or frightened persons. He could admit to himself that, while the circumstances were less than ideal, he relished the prolonged contact with Jim. A faint scent of Vulcan herbs lingered in his hair, more pleasant than the synthetic ones he had smelled the last time he had indulged in holding Jim. He stroked soothingly his hair. It was becoming lighter than ever under Vulcan’s sun. After two weeks of space travel, it would revert to a darker color.

“Jim.” Calling one’s name was an adequate way to get one’s attention. Jim didn’t raise his head, but Selek felt him shift to attention.

“We need to decide what we are going to do.” Still no answer.

“The first option would be, evidently, to comply with the authorities’ orders. You would come back to Earth and…”

“To Franck,” was the mumbled interruption.

“There is no point in denying the truth. You are correct on that account. For that reason, and several others I am certain you don’t need a list of, this option is unadvisable.”

Jim’s shoulders shook in mirthless laughter. Selek took it as an encouragement to go on.

“The second option would be to run away. While complicated, it is not unfeasible.”

“And it would get you in trouble. I won’t do that.” This loyal statement was delivered by a muffled yet very determined voice. Selek wasn’t surprised by the answer.

“The third option would be to use our remaining time to, as humans put it ‘raise hell’. However, I have already attempted to appeal to my many contacts, to no avail.” Selek didn’t want to directly incriminate T’Pau. This would lead to lengthy and dangerous explanations.

Jim merely sighed.

“The fourth option would be to go back to Earth in compliance with both Federation and Earth’s orders and, once there, to work on coming back. I would be doing the same here.”

“I know you would, Selek. I also know you put that option at the end because you were hoping I would take it. It is, after all, the only logical choice. But what if it doesn’t work? What if we can’t find each other again? I know that sounds sappy, but it’s not just being here I would miss, or learning stuff to eventually become a starship captain, it’s you.”

This… didn’t sound like Jim at all. Jim didn’t believe in no-win scenarios. Jim never gave up. Jim wanted to be a captain above all. Jim always found a solution to everything. To almost everything, Selek amended.

This Jim wasn’t his Jim. This Jim was young, untried and lacked confidence. This Jim didn’t have the absolute certainty Selek would do anything for him, would never give up on him.

“Jim, I have no wish to be parted from you. I beg you to believe I will do my utmost to find you again. Jim, listen to me!” He could see his eyes now, and they were full of sadness and disbelief. Selek moved his hands so that they rested on Jim’s face, close, so close, to his psi points.

“I will never abandon you.” He put as much conviction in his words as he could. It wasn’t enough. Jim kept on watching him with huge blue eyes and a defeated expression. Then it was time to use more efficient methods to make him believe him. He leant forward a bit to rest his forehead on Jim’s and whispered “If you won’t believe my words, will you believe my mind? Let me show what I mean, Jim.”

Jim tensed then relaxed and nodded. Selek moved his hands infinitesimally on his face and started reciting the words, already slipping in the familiar mind.

It was like coming home and finding the layout ever so slightly different, just one piece of furniture moved a few inches. It was the same and yet different in a subtle, almost indefinable way. It welcomed him with warmth. After some time, Selek managed to make sense of all the input. Unlike a well-organised Vulcan mind, it shone and it stormed and it howled its distress. Keeping his own mind as soothing as possible, Selek progressed inside Jim’s mind until he could see the whole of it and at the same time apprehend the center of what was Jim Kirk in essence. When he found it, he gave a mental stroke charged with all the love, all the care, all the need to protect he felt toward him. When he sensed Jim’s mind trying to dance out of reach of the strange feelings he didn’t understand, he brought it back to him and did it again.

_A mental interrogation mark. Why?_

Selek couldn’t show him the story. Not yet, at least. Instead, he showed him pictures of their acquaintance. He transmitted the wonder he had felt when he had seen Jim for the first time. He passed his protectiveness when he had gotten hurt, his sorrow at being separated, his happiness when he saw Jim again and his fear when he had learnt of the dangers he had encountered. He showed his deep contentment at Jim’s presence in his house.

A wash of happiness, wilder but just as deep as his own answered. Jim was getting the hang of it. Jim’s mind moved fast when it wanted to communicate something. Selek found himself straining his faculties to follow the fast train of pictures and feelings, chaotic yet understandable.

It was with efforts that Selek left the meld, reeling from the forced partition. They couldn’t stay joined and they couldn’t be parted.

 ***

At first, it was strange. Not bad strange, just different. Intrusive but without any hostile or aggressive intent. More like an old friend coming home. Relief. The weirdest thing was that housing two consciousnesses wasn’t the weirdest. It actually felt like they were truly one, fitting inside each other seamlessly, effortlessly.

It was bringing him a sense of calm. Serenity was the word he was looking for, he realized. Then it didn’t feel like serenity anymore. It felt like love, all-encompassing, infinite love. It was beautiful and it was scary. He didn’t get a chance to second guess it. It was washing over him in rolling waves, inescapable and compelling. Jim let himself be compelled.

Tentatively, he gathered his own feelings and pushed them as hard as he could toward what he could identify as Selek’s part of the meld, willing him to understand.

When he felt Selek’s mind starting to separate from his, he didn’t want to let go. How could people ever want to let go of something that felt so good, so right? As he opened his eyes and found his reflection in Selek’s dark ones, he knew they could never be completely parted.

No more words were exchanged that night. Dawn found them tangled together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, on the plus side, they are getting closer.


	8. Perspective without Logic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming there was quite complicated. Apparently, leaving is not going to be any easier.

Jim was determined to accept whatever was coming with dignity. If he ever wanted a chance to come back, alienating people by his shameful lack of control wasn’t a good start. In addition, he knew Selek would do everything in his power and beyond to obtain his return. The meld had left him in a curious state of calmness. It was with this calmness in mind, filling his eyes, that he greeted Shlis, S’Vanos and the security team escorting them. A wry thought escaped his control and he fought back a smile at the picture of him tackling them in a mad dash for freedom, Selek behind him. It was clear they were expecting him to give them troubles.

“Elder Selek is not authorized to accompany you to the docks,” S’vanos recited in a monochord voice. “Our arrival to this location is expected in 7.9 minutes. We must depart now.”

Jim turned to face Selek and offered the _ta’al_ , the wish of ‘living long and prospering’ so sincere it bled in his eyes. They couldn’t touch, not in public.

He passed the security team and walked to the door, letting the hot air of Vulcan hit his face and fill his lungs for what he hoped wasn’t the last time.

The trip to the docks was quiet. Jim stared almost unblinkingly at the window of the vehicle, committing every scene, every person, every building to memory. It was likely he would have only memories to sustain him for a long time.

For such a busy and multicultural place, the docks were very… Vulcan. Organized, efficient. No one looked lost, people were waiting in real, straight lines, everyone speaking in hush tones.

As they crossed the docks to their destination, Jim was expecting people to stare at him, wondering what he could have done to warrant six security officers surrounding him. Head high and shoulders straight, he forced himself to walk at a careful, measured pace. There was a kind of tunnel that led, according to the above signalization, to depart shuttles 7 to 12. The security escort stirred Jim toward it. He clung to the calm of the meld, still soaking up everything he could.

That was how he saw it.

 ***

Jim had a lot of experience with aggressive people. He could usually tell who wanted to pick a fight within seconds of meeting them. He knew how to predict Franck’s tempers. Some people just walked with an aura of violence around them. Those two guys and the woman with them clearly did. That was weird because one thing Jim liked about Vulcans (to a certain extent) was how composed and restrained they were. To his knowledge, barfights were unknown here. The three Vulcans coming in their direction were just the type to start them, beat everyone up and walk away without even a scratch, a smile on their face.

They weren’t looking at each other. They didn’t need to. They walked in perfect coordination. Jim was starting to feel really uneasy. They were getting closer, and closer. They passed Jim and his escort. He could feel the hostility coming out of them in waves. Why couldn’t the security officers feel it? Then again, as telepaths, they shielded themselves well, especially in public places.

It wasn’t just unease anymore, it was full-blown alarm. Jim stopped abruptly, realization soaking him up cold for a second and letting place to the wash of adrenalin.

Selek hadn’t talked about them much but Jim couldn’t have missed the tensions between the Federation and the Romulans, and, according to Selek, Romulans and Vulcans were the same species. Clarity filled his mind as he saw the trio entering the crowded central area and separated. For half a second he considered alerting his escort. He dismissed the thought almost immediately. The necessary time to make them understand and believe him would allow the Romulans to do whatever they had come to do. Jim would have bet his life that they had a bomb of some kind, more probably three, which was why they had separated, seeking to cover the largest ground possible and cause a maximum of damage.

There wasn’t any way he could stop the three of them on his own, unarmed. In one smooth movement, he turned again, swept the phaser out of the security officer the closest to him, taking care to touch him to transmit as much information as possible and broke into a run toward the central area. He could vaguely hear the other officers shouting after him and then running. He could only hope they wouldn’t use their own weapons against him. Stopping briefly at the entrance, he located the three Romulans. They still weren’t far from each other. Jim took the barest second to adjust his aim and fired. The first man fell, stunned, and his two companions, as Jim had expected, only moved away faster, intent on completing their mission. He fired on the second man and sprinted toward the woman. He couldn’t shoot her in the same way, protected as she was by the crowd trying to make it to the emergency exits. In the distance, Jim could hear shouts. He paid them no attention, focused on the Romulan woman slipping gracefully out of reach.

He ran faster, ducking to avoid people trying to stop him. Couldn’t they see he wasn’t the threat? There, here she was. He locked onto her at the same time as she did. With an unpleasant smile, she caught a woman and placed her in front of her own body, effectively breaking his line of fire. With one hand keeping the hostage’s arms behind her back, she fished a small silver device from her tunic. The message was clear. She indicated the phaser with an imperious move of her chin. Jim complied, putting it on the floor, trying and failing not to see the panicked eyes of the woman in front of him.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw a movement. Security had finally caught up on what was happening and was acting accordingly. He could see them approaching the Romulan woman in her back. From their lack of firing, it was obvious they thought the device she held would explode if dropped. Jim took a careful step forward, slowly, ever so slowly. He could feel sweat trickling in his nape, back, everywhere. He was starting to get a headache from the tension. He opened his hands, showing her he was unarmed. It was only a matter of keeping her occupied long enough for the security officers to be close enough to take her down without explosion.

The world was unnaturally still. He could see the officers in approach and yet felt like he was the only one moving. He was now almost close enough to touch the hostage and see the eyes of the Romulan woman. They weren’t as expressionless as a Vulcan’s. Amidst the hatred and the determination he could feel the encouragement to come closer so she could take him down. She obviously recognized him as a threat to her plans. Jim didn’t know why she hadn’t dropped the bomb already and he knew he would get killed if he allowed her to touch him.

Still, he couldn’t let her kill the Vulcan woman anymore than he could let her drop her bomb and probably kill hundreds of people. There was an alarm blaring in the background. He could barely hear it but still managed to understand that the building had gone in lockdown. Prepared for everything Vulcans had probably designed their emergency procedures to make sure such problems were confined to one place. Practical Vulcans probably thought it was more logical to sacrifice the few ones inside than to expose the countless others outside. Jim took the last step with utter calm.

As he expected, she shoved the hostage in his direction, intent on slowing him down and buying the few necessary feet to kick him with enough strength to kill. He avoided her by stepping on the side and lunging in the same movement, aiming for the hand holding the device. He was exposing his neck and his heart, willingly offering perfect targets. As he closed his own cupped hand around the cool metal, he felt pain exploding everywhere.

  ***

When he opened his eyes, he couldn’t see anything. He blinked several times, trying to chase the shadows. Only, they weren’t shadows. Jim had an excellent night vision and could make use of the slightest source of light. There was absolutely nothing. He reached in front of him with his hand, starting to panic, when he felt a cool, long-fingered hand closing around his wrist and a wave of soothing emotions washing over him. Selek was there. He would recognize the feel of this mind anywhere.

“Calm yourself, Jim. Your blindness is temporary, a side effect of the nerve damage due to the Romulan attack.”

Temporary. It was good. His brain felt sluggish. Even if it didn’t serve any purpose, he blinked again.

“Romulan woman?”

“She is dead, along with her accomplices.”

He couldn’t say he was mourning her.

“Everyone… fine?”

“Yes, Jim. You have saved them.”

That was good, too. He slipped back into sleep.

 ***

Selek remembered feeling murderous rage before. He had always felt ashamed afterwards for his lack of control. This time he felt no shame. When the backlash of Jim’s fear had reached him, it had been like a cruel echo of the dozens of times he had experienced it in his previous universe. Here, he was even more powerless than then. When Jim’s pain reverberated through his mind, he lost his balance. When he could no longer feel anything, his fear barely let him call the nearest healing and care center where Jim was likely to be admitted after such pain and loss of consciousness. It was the only acceptable explanation for Jim’s absence from his mind. The other possibility was too…definitive to be even considered. When the healing center called with news of a James Kirk with serious nerve damage, he had to sit down, overwhelmed with relief. Since then, he had left Jim’s side only to take care of the most unavoidable necessities. After hearing him refuse T’Pau in polite but final words, no one tried to move him.

                                                                                              ***

Jim awoke again in the dark. He didn’t need to talk for Selek to reach for his wrist and stroke soothingly. After a few minutes, he heard Selek shift, probably straightening his position.

“How do you feel today, Jim?”

Jim was no longer hurting everywhere, he could wriggle his toes, his brain was relatively clear. Except for his – _let it be really temporary, please_ – blindness, he was fine, and this was a glorious feeling. One didn’t appreciate life to its right value before almost losing it.

Getting dressed without visual input was an…interesting experience. In the end, he managed, with Selek’s help, to look, he hoped, presentable. Selek then walked through several corridors that were quite cool –built deep in stone?–and into an office. He sat down gratefully, exhausted from the short walk.

He could hear three, no four different breathings. One was obviously Selek, the others, well, he just had to ask?

One was a female healer named T’Sulia. Her voice immediately endeared her to Jim. She sounded nice and spoke slowly with simple words, mindful of his short acquaintance with the language. The next one was an Elder from the Vulcan High Council and informed Jim with a sharp and precise voice that he was to be referred to as Serris. The last one was a representative of the Office for the Registration of non Federation species who introduced himself as Gental. From his voice, warm and friendly, he was the only non-Vulcan in the room.

T’Sulia spoke first.

“I will give you later a complete update on your health, Mr Kirk. At the moment, I will simply assuage the concern you most likely have toward your loss of vision. It happened following a blow to your head that perturbed the flux of informations through your brain and is temporary. It is, however, difficult to predict how long it will take to disappear, given your mostly unknown physiology.”

“That’s good to know, thank you, healer T’Sulia.” Getting the Vulcan words out of his brain, pronouncing them properly was more tiring than he ever remembered. If he could manage more than basic sentences, he would have asked her if she were sure. Or not. If she weren’t sure, she’d have said so. Vulcans didn’t lie.

Evidently, she still heard the unasked question.

“Your chances of full recovery are 99.7%. Barring any incident or unexpected reactions due to your human physiology, you will recover your eyesight. Elder Selek provided us with every relevant information to your physiology and medical care.”

Selek brushed his fingers subtly and answered for Jim.

“We are most grateful for the excellent care you offered James outside your own field of expertise.”

“No gratitude is necessary, Elder. Mr Kirk needed medical attention and it was an honor to provide it.”

Elder Serrin entered the conversation.

“I am here, Mr Kirk, to convey the gratitude of the Vulcan’s High Council for your actions at the docks 3.7 days ago.”

“You’re welcome. But to quote healer T’Sulia, no gratitude is necessary. I only did what was logical.”

He could almost hear a collectively raised eyebrow.

“Though it was indeed logical to attempt to stop the attackers, going alone, barely armed and offering yourself to an adversary of superior strength doesn’t appear logical to me.”

“I couldn’t let them kill everyone so I stopped her.” For logical people, they didn’t seem to understand something so basic.

“Indeed.”

“Given the events and your selfless sacrifice, it has been decided your application for Federation citizenship would be granted, conditionally to your home planet’s authorization.”

Jim had expected something like that since Gental had said he was from the office for Registration. Still, it was a surprise. A good one.

“It means I can stay?”

“Yes, Mr Kirk.” Gental’s voice.

Jim would have bounced on his seat. But for once, his tiredness worked in his favor and he avoided offending anyone. He didn’t care what they said, Vulcans totally got offended sometimes. Instead, he schooled the wide grin breaking his face and thanked him.

“I’ll endeavour to prove myself worthy of it.”

“Undoubtedly, Mr Kirk. I will take my leave now. Live long and prosper.” Serrin and Gental both left. Selek and T’Sulia were the only remaining witness to Jim’s broadcast joy. Jim didn’t think they minded.

They didn’t.

  ***

T’Sulia’s ‘complete update’ was quick and thorough. Jim learnt he had several broken bones on the mend, a heavily bruised spleen and light nerve damage in several parts of his body. Nothing that couldn’t be healed in a relatively short time. Jim was floored. With such injuries on Earth, he could look to a recovery time of months and some damage could even be permanent. Even the news that he would, essentially, be on bed rest for the next two weeks sounded great. And he got to stay on Vulcan!

T’Sulia allowed short walks in the healing center’s gardens when the temperatures were low enough that Jim wouldn’t be incommoded.

Selek escorted Jim back to his room. When he was settled in bed, he sat in the chair and watched Jim. He couldn’t see it and yet the intensity he could feel made him turn his face away. Selek reached and turned his chin back to him.

“What were you thinking, Jim?”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly thinking…”

“That much is clear.”

“It’s just that I had to do something, Selek.”

Selek sighed.

“When I felt your pain and then your disappearance from my mind altogether, it felt like my very mind was being torn. I understand your need to do what is right and I accept it will lead you to more heroics, ill-advised and dangerous actions. I only ask that you consider you are not the only one you hurt when you endanger yourself so.”

“You could feel it?” Jim was stunned.

“There is a strong connection between your mind and mine.”

“Oh…” Jim’s voice was soft. He didn’t know exactly how he felt about this. On one hand, he had always known it. On the other, feeling someone else’s pain miles away sounded a bit…extreme. Suddenly, he felt guilty for causing Selek pain.

The older man, sensing his train of thoughts, put a calming hand on his forehead.

“As I told you earlier, I understand why you did it. Besides, you couldn’t have known it would affect me so. The blame lies solely on me for not telling you.”

“You didn’t want me to worry about this when we were separated, “Jim guessed.

“Essentially correct. Moreover, I had failed to predict the connection would be so strong in the absence of formal bonding.”

This conversation was giving Jim a headache. He wasn’t sure Selek was meaning what he thought he meant and it wasn’t the right time for asking.

“Anyway, I’m sorry I put you through this, Selek. I won’t do it again,” he offered.

“Do not make promises you will not be keeping, Jim. And apologizing is unnecessary. You did save several hundreds of people.”

“S’ppose I did.” Jim was proud of it. Just, well… Oh! He didn’t know!

“I have watched the security records. How did you know they weren’t what they looked to be?”

“Born and bred in Iowa! Lots of people looking for troubles here. You learn how to recognize ‘em.”

“I see.” Selek’s tone was wry, indicating that he, indeed, saw. “And I suppose you learnt how to shoot there as well? The accuracy of your aim on a moving target was impressive.”

“Did some hunting with my dad’s old rifle. Foxes, some rabbits and badgers, the likes. Using a phaser wasn’t very different.”

“Indeed.”

 ***

Two weeks later, Jim was starting to recover his vision. He had troubles evaluating depth and recognizing some items but it was a vast improvement. Selek appreciated it as much as he did. He remembered the time when he himself had been blind and had relied a lot on his experience of that time to help his young friend. However, Jim Kirk was not as easily accepting of his condition as he had been and keeping him busy had been trying indeed. Humans relied enormously on their vision and Jim had troubles learning without the visual input of a screen.

Watching Jim negotiate angles, walls and doors with his hand in front of him, feeling for any obstacle he hadn’t seen would have been quite painful if Jim hadn’t taken things so well. Every time he bumped into something he smiled or even laughed, bounced back and went back on his way. Selek suspected his attitude would have been very different had his loss of vision been permanent. As it was, Jim behaved as a, as humans said, happy bunny. Selek wasn’t sure what small _Leporidae_ , happy or not, had to do with it, but the fact remained that Jim tended to hop everywhere without a care. It was undoubtedly, Selek reflected, a side effect of being alive, home and well in his recovery.

He often had to stop him and get him to rest. One particular evening, they ended up on the couch, Selek reviewing work on his PADD, Jim reading a Tellarite novel. He had developed a particular taste for them, claiming they were hilarious. Selek doubted the author’s original intent had been humorous in any way but he indulged Jim. Works of fiction usually offered a valuable insight into a culture.

“Selek.”

Jim’s voice was serious. Obviously, something was bothering him.

“What is it, Jim?”

“It’s just that I was wondering. You saw the footage from the attack, right? You know, that Romulan woman… why didn’t she let go of the bomb before?”

“I cannot claim anything to be certain. Very little is known of our Romulans cousins. I may be the one who had the most dealings with them and I am not an expert. However, there is a Romulan story, you would call it a legend, that tells of a warrior who had the ability to thwart any plan. His mere presence was enough to do that. I believe she saw this in you, Jim, and wanted to kill you before she dropped her explosive device, thinking that, alive, you would find a way to stop her. It is fascinating that it was indeed her effort to eliminate you that proved fatal to her mission.”

Jim’s eyes were huge.

“That’s warped!”

“It does lack logic. Your actions weren’t a textbook example of logic either, though.”

Jim didn’t even have the decency to look sheepish.


	9. The Testimony of a Wise Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, there are problems, and sometimes there are solutions. And sometimes there are other problems.

Even when one had the Federation's support, it was hard to be declared a citizen. Jim would have thought that such an advanced civilization would have seen the evil that was paperwork and eradicated it permanently. Sadly, it wasn’t the case. Jim felt like he had filled in a few days more forms than he ever had on Earth, most of them asking for things either irrelevant to his case or he had no idea what they were even talking about. On a form pertaining to non Federation species, one could expect not to find things like “What is your level of schooling in Federation standards?” or “Select the planet where you were born in the scrolling menu” without an ‘Other’ choice, since Earth wasn’t listed. Having never been to a Federation school, Jim had no idea as to their standards and not finding Earth in the list made him feel all of sudden very small and insignificant.

Other questions were more relevant, such as “Do you have family members in Federation territories or who are Federation citizens?” He wondered if a mind link with Selek counted as familial relationship. Some of his personal favorites were “Are you married to a Federation citizen?”, “Do you have children of a Federation citizen?” followed by a smaller print asking to “Please note that non Federation spouse(s) and/or children will not automatically be considered Federation citizens following the eventual grant of your own citizenship”. Some of the situations evoked in the documents seemed quite extraordinary.

Some questions, Jim spent hours trying to find the right words to answer. The seemingly obvious “Why do you apply for Federation citizenship?” was only second in difficulty to “What do you think you can offer to the Federation?” In the end, he called Selek to his help.

Helped by the Vulcan efficiency, the forms were quickly and thoroughly filled. These last questions remained relevant though and Jim often found himself mulling on them.

***

T’Pau’s visit came as a surprise. To Jim, at least. Selek gave no such sign. This would have been untoward. He actually had been anticipating it for quite some time. What he didn’t know was the position she would adopt. She was the most logical person he had ever met and yet he couldn’t predict her reaction to the recent events. Logic would suggest she would be pleased by Jim’s actions at the docks and yet, to be pleased with that would mean she had relinquished her previous objections to Selek and Jim’s acquaintance. Considering the reasons to her reluctance, it would be just as logical to imagine Jim’s heroics hadn’t swayed her in any manner.

Furthermore, Jim’s reaction couldn’t be anticipated. Knowing his friend’s personality well, he was surprised by his restraint since his arrival. Jim was a charmer. He could have the discretion of a sehlat with a sore paw and yet had shown only scrupulous politeness to everyone he had met, even according Vulcan standards. Jim didn’t lack dignity but often chose to forsake it for more direct approaches. Here, he wore dignity like a human much further in age.

This could be partly attributed to Jim’s need and capacity to adapt. But it was so contrary to his nature that Selek found himself fearing Jim’s temper would flare at the most inopportune time. With T’Pau, for instance. He hadn’t told Jim of the matriarch’s interferences and of her role in the rejection of his application. However, Jim was a highly intelligent and often perceptive individual. If he didn’t suspect it already, he would now.

Selek didn’t fear T’Pau. She didn’t have any other authority over him than the one he allowed her. He simply didn’t want to force her to resort to the most logical course of action when an obstacle was in your way: remove the obstacle. T’Pau was a much of a pacifist as her fellow Vulcans. She was also ruthless when she considered her people threatened.

“I trust you are well, High Councilor?” Selek kept his tone carefully blank. There was no need to fuel her accusations of lacking control.

“I am. I am not here for exchanging polite words, Selek. I wish to speak to your young human.”

Selek refrained from pointing out Jim was definitely not his human. They turned to the young man who was seated quietly on the couch’s far end. To Selek’s trained eye, he was doing everything he could not to fidget under T’Pau’s stare and was doing a poor job of hiding it.

“You have gone to great lengths to ensure your stay here, James Kirk. I want to hear your reasons.”

Jim cocked his head on the side, clearly pondering what was acceptable to tell her.

“My reasons are actually very logical ones. Staying on Earth would have been a danger to my person and would have been a waste of potential. Leaving for the Federation was the natural consequence of my reasoning. “

Simple but sound argumentation. Selek doubted it would satisfy the matriarch.

“You could have filled a formal request for leaving. Besides, it doesn’t explain why you went straight to Elder Selek.”

This was direct, even for her.

“Believe me, Ma’am, a formal request would have taken me exactly nowhere. As to going to Elder Selek, I did it because he was the only one I knew.”

“You were so certain, then, he would grant you hospitality and help?”

That was a low blow and from the look on his face, Jim knew it. They had entered the most dangerous waters, and Jim, clever Jim, recognized what he shouldn’t say. It didn’t give him an inkling as to his other options. Selek inwardly cursed his inability to intervene. If he tried to answer for Jim, T’Pau would just leave.

A simple yes was out of question. Such certitude could only stem from the bond they were trying to hide. A no wouldn’t make any sense to T’Pau.

“I understand it’s not a very well-considered concept on Vulcan, Ma’am. But on Earth, we have this thing called hope. I hoped he would. I couldn’t be certain, of course, but hope can take a human very far. Maybe it’s illogical, but if you measure the effects, discounting it would be the illogical thing to do.”

Leave it to Jim to choose the middle ground and to twist it until it became the only reasonable-sounding option.

T’Pau rose on her feet, her robes shuffling lightly on the floor, and bowed her head imperceptibly.

“I will consider your words, James Kirk.”

 ***

It wasn’t that Jim didn’t like people. He did. He loved interacting with them and having a crowd around him. But seriously, two visitors in the same day? Wasn’t it a bit much? He went to answer the door as Selek was preparing the meal, hoping it wasn’t bad news.

It wasn’t good news either.

Gental was a particularly expressive person. Or maybe he just looked expressive by comparison to the Vulcans who surrounded him. At the moment, he looked sad and tired.

Franck. _Always Franck_. The bastard would never leave him in peace. Jim was seething. He had never cared whether Jim was there or not, he had done everything in his power to ensure Jim would leave as soon as possible. And now he was refusing to sign the goddamn paper that would let his minor ward seek Federation citizenship and live elsewhere than on Earth. Thinking on it, Jim wasn’t seething. He was livid. He had thought this would be just a formality, they just would have to give him the thing, he would sign it when he was drunk and everyone would be happy.

He felt a cool and soothing hand on his nape and calm washed over him. Now that he could think clearly again, he could see that the situation wasn’t as hopeless as it initially looked.

“Is there any way I could talk to him?” At least, that way, he could determine why Franck had suddenly decided to be difficult.

“This would require making the journey back to Earth in the first place, but yes. I would advise it, Mr Kirk. As he is your guardian, he does have a say in what you do, whether you like it or not.”

Jim tried to control his breathing.

“I understand your position, director Gental. I’d like to point out, though, that my so-called guardian has never had my interest in mind. I left for sound reasons.”

Gental looked even sadder.

“Are you saying your guardian was physically abusive toward you?”

“Yes! He is a terminal alcoholic. I have an older brother somewhere who left for exactly the same reasons.”

“Your brother couldn’t take you in?”

“When I said ‘somewhere’, that’s because I’ve no idea where he is now, if he’s even still alive.”

Gental looked so sad now that Jim felt a bit ashamed at driving his point so strongly.

“Then I shall contact your Earth authorities. There must be a way to let you live on Vulcan without his agreement.”

Jim nodded. He didn’t put much trust in authorities, be there from Earth or anywhere else, but what else could he do?

 ***       

Dr Leonard McCoy was in a foul mood, a common state for him, albeit a justified one. The new nurse was incompetent, the previous one had left for maternity leave before he could tell her how bad an idea having a kid was, he was out of bourbon and his ex-wife called to ask (more like require) more money. Dr Leonard McCoy was tired. When he heard the name on TV, he was no longer tired. Still in a foul mood, though.

Obviously, Jim Kirk had made it to Vulcan. And now, the kid was trying to get Federation citizenship. The story was kind of hard to untangle and to believe, but Leonard remembered the blue-eyed teenager in Riverside. It was actually entirely too believable. Apparently, the authorities were looking for any remaining family to James Kirk so that he could get legal authorization to stay off-planet.

Leonard’s brain kicked in gear. The kid had said to be seventeen when they had met, which meant he was eligible for emancipation if he could prove his guardian was unfit. Fortunately, Leonard documented everything he treated, including motel-room-evening-on-the-side healing. He dug up his laptop and searched for the adequate file, a wide grin splitting his face. If that kid could live his dream, then he would do everything in his power to ensure it!

                                                                                              ***

_The Iowa Judicial Branch of the Eighth District… attended that numerous witness have proved without a doubt the unsuitability… hereby grants James Tiberius Kirk, his emancipation in compliance with… The now emancipated minor can enjoy all the rights and duties of a legal adult…_

Jim would have said he couldn’t believe his eyes but the document in front of him, in paper, solid, real form, was in front of him and bore the Iowa Seal.

He met Gental’s eyes. The Federation officer looked a lot happier.

“How exactly did that happen? I mean, it’s great and everything and I couldn’t be happier, but it’s kind of unbelievable.”

“You must refer to the reasons which swayed the judge of your court of justice to grant you an emancipation you didn’t ask for in the first place?”

Gental didn’t just look happier. He looked positively gleeful.

“Er, yes?”

“From what I gathered from the Federation Bureau on Earth, a certain…” Gental looked at his PADD “Doctor Leonard McCoy arrived one day and offered to testify on your behalf should you choose to be emancipated. Now, and keeping in mind you have repeatedly stated your position toward your guardian and your desire never to see him again, our lawyer decided to forgo the additional month that would have been necessary to get your formal approval back and initiated the procedure in your name with the help of said Dr McCoy. When he stepped forward, several persons from your neighborhood followed suit and the Court had little choice but to agree to it.”

Jim didn’t react for several long seconds. Then he started laughing. He laughed so much that he was crying under the indulgent gaze of both Gental and Selek. When he managed to calm down a bit, he breathed “Bones” and laughed even more.

Gental looked puzzled, which made Jim laugh even more. When he finally stopped, more out of exhaustion than anything else, Gental spoke again.

“It will, I am sure, please you to learn that Earth authorities have decided to grant you every kind of authorization you might need to be a legal Federation citizen living on another planet. I believe our lawyer was most helpful in this case, pointing out the lack of care and attention given to your case while you were a resident. “

“Woah!” Jim was seriously stunned. “That was nice of that lawyer. I’ll have to thank him, or her? Personally.”

“I am certain it will be appreciated. Gratitude goes both ways from what I understood. He had two children and a cousin at the docks when you were there.”

Jim laughed even more.

 ***

Selek enjoyed the newfound peace. There was something to be said in favor of conflict since it was in time of dire need and challenge that creativity and inventiveness were at their peak but peace allowed for careful and more elegant solutions. His Vulcan side appreciated this most of all. His human side, more specifically the part that served for several decades alongside one of the most daring humans ever, liked the quiet only for the shortest while. That was perhaps the reason why he could relate to Jim’s boredom.

Jim had gone back to his studies with relish. He absorbed information with delight and was getting to a more than honorable level at a surprising pace. Then again, it was Jim Kirk.

Jim was bored. His days were filled with knowledge and new facts. He wasn’t bored with lack of activity or mental stimulation. Jim was bored with lack of challenge. It was the contrary nature of humans to desire nothing more than peace when they were faced with a problem and to desire nothing more than a problem when they were at peace, reflected Selek. Jim was too young to have learnt the value of boredom. It would soon be time to let him go.

In these conditions, it was inevitable than Jim, with no other conflict to fill his mind, turned to one which had been brewing for quite some time.

A visit from Sarek precipitated it.

***

Sarek cared deeply about Selek, Jim was sure of it. Then why every one of their meetings had to be so awkward?

They were seated in the living room, silent. Unlike humans who would have felt the need to fill the silence with small talk or would have avoided to look at each other, they were watching one another intently. Once again, Jim felt like he was missing an entire conversation.

“I heard James was being granted Federation citizenship. I was gratified to receive this information.”

“We were all pleased by this outcome.”

“I trust all is well, then?”

Huh? What wouldn’t be well? What was he missing?

“Everything is developing as it should.”

“I would be happy to learn of future developments should they happen, Ambassador. You and James are welcome in my house if any of you wishes to discuss.”

Jim opened his mouth to ask what he would discuss. Sarek didn’t let him time to even start his sentence.

“There are many things an outsider would consider difficult to understand about this planet and its inhabitants. Sometimes, several perspectives can help get a better view of a problem.”

This made sense, in a way. Though Jim wasn’t sure what he understood was actually what Sarek had meant.

“Thank you for your offer, Sarek. I may take you up on it.”

“No thanks are necessary, James. I would be honored to help you, should you need it. You too, Elder Selek.”

If this wasn’t the most cryptic conversation Jim had ever heard…

 ***

When Sarek left, Jim turned to face Selek.

“You got out of that conversation once, you won’t get out of it twice. This one clearly concerned me as well. What aren’t you telling me?”

Selek had been expected a display of strong emotions from Jim. It didn’t make him any less surprised when it happened.

On the other hand, he knew Sarek had forced his hand and he would have to reveal some of the information he had carefully kept a secret for the last two years. He knew he would have had to do it one day or another. Sarek’s logic to encourage him to do it sooner rather than later was sound. Procrastination was not a Vulcan trait.

He couldn’t even say he hadn’t imagined how such a conversation would be going. Predicting Jim’s reaction was the hardest part, as he hadn’t any point of reference or previous experience to draw upon. There was an approximate 70% probability he would be angry. Hope was often vain, but in this instance, Selek hoped Jim’s anger would be as short as it ever was.

There was no point in delaying the inevitable.

“Understand, Jim, that I am not at liberty to divulge everything. I will do my best, however, to provide you with enough information to enlighten Sarek’s comments. I only ask that you listen without interrupting. I will answer your queries as much as I can.”

“Er, okay?” Jim didn’t sound certain, all of sudden. Selek could only surmise he was having second thoughts at the idea of unearthing potentially harmful information.

“My real name is not Selek. It is Spock cha’ Sarek.” He raised his hand to prevent Jim’s interruption.

“It will all be explained in a minute. I was born in another timeline, another dimension. Your studies have made you aware of the physical and mathematical possibility of this. The circumstances matter little. Suffice to say I followed a criminal to this dimension in an effort to prevent him from destroying the planet. It was quite unnecessary as the Vulcan Defense Force managed to stop him. As it did not exist in my own universe, I had not anticipated this as a possibility. This difference stems from the fact that Vulcan is the Federation’s primary founding member.”

“It wasn’t in your universe?” Jim looked like he had dozens of questions ready.

“In my universe, Earth was the primary founding member.”

Jim looked stunned and slightly angry. This was only to be expected.

“Since there are similar people from one universe to another, as with Sarek, does it mean I had a counterpart there?”

“Yes.”

“Just yes. You aren’t going to explain, even a little bit?

“You were the finest captain of the Federation and I was honored to serve under your orders for years. During that time, we became close.”

“That’s,er, that’s amazing! So I was a starship captain? Wait, what do you mean by “we became close”?” Jim’s face was scrunched up suspiciously.

“We were the best of friends, we were brothers, we were lovers. Have you ever heard the word ‘ _t’hy’la_ ’?

Jim just shook his head. His expression was unreadable.

“It means exactly that. Friend, brother, lover. It was a bond which was forged by some warriors on pre-Reform Vulcan. The closest term in your language would be ‘soulmate’”.

Jim put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands and stayed like that for 17 seconds. Selek didn’t seek to attract his attention, letting him process all this. Eventually, he raised his head and straightened.

“Is that why you came to me on Earth? Because you wanted your bondmate back?”

“I came to Earth in the first place to find you, Jim. You, not my bondmate. My bondmate has been dead for almost ninety years. I wanted to see for myself you existed in this reality, if you were happy. In the course of our missions, Jim and I have traveled accidentally in other dimensions and in every one of them, you and I were friends. It would seem we are meant to know each other and be close.”

Jim fell silent again. He was rubbing absently his fingers against his knees. Selek didn’t point it out to him.

“So, the link we have, it’s actually the remains of your bond with the other Jim?”

“We would have the bond in every iteration. It is more developed here because of my previous bond with the other Jim, yes.”

“And here I thought we had something special! That I got lucky for once!” Selek couldn’t discern if Jim was angry or sad or bitter or something else entirely. It was likely that even Jim didn’t know. The young man was now pacing aggressively.

“Jim, I am not sure what you mean by these words, but I assure you, you are very special indeed. Both to me and independently.”

With that, the fight seemed to leave Jim. He sat down heavily on the couch and looked at Selek properly for the first time since the discussion started.

“I’m being an idiot, right? I mean, it’s just that I felt like I was doing something great, the first guy of Earth to become a starship captain, and all that. And now I find out someone else did it and that someone was me. And to top it all, he was your bondmate.”

Selek blinked slowly. He was used to Jim’s messes of words and usually knew how to untangle them. This time, he wasn’t sure even Jim knew what he had meant.

“While there are similarities, you are very different persons. If you become a starship captain, you will be a starship captain who will experience vastly different things from him. And to address your other concern, you are not a replacement for him. I value our friendship and proximity in their own rights.”

“It’s a mess, isn’t it?” Jim sighed.

“I will concede the situation is unusual and somewhat difficult to apprehend. I trust we will all come to an understanding. Your happiness is my priority, Jim. You have felt it in my mind.”

From his unfocused eyes, it was clear Jim was remembering the meld.

“So, we are…what? Friends, close friends? You said you aren’t looking for a replacement, but you know, maybe we could give this a try? I like you, Selek. A lot. It’s a lot to take in in one go, but it’s the same for me. I want you to be happy and I can be your friend. If you don’t want me, it’s okay, I’ll understand, but, well, you see…”

Selek stared at Jim, trying to make sense out of his words. Leaning forward, he took Jim’s hands in his own. Perhaps, direct contact could help avoid further misunderstandings.

“Jim, are you saying you would be interested in being lovers?”

Jim lowered his head, blushing. Times like that reminded Selek of how young he was.

“I love you, Selek. It’s not something I can deny. Yes, I want this, but not at your expense. I wouldn’t want you to do this just to make me happy.”

And sometimes, he sounded far older than he was.

Selek put as much fondness in his eyes as he could before answering.

“I am truly honored by the sentiment you expressed. Jim, _Ashayam_ , us being lovers wouldn’t be at the expense of my own happiness or comfort, quite the contrary. That being said, you are still young and you have the right to change your mind about being bonded to an old Vulcan. I would recommend to, as you would say, take things slow.”

Jim freed one of his hands to stroke Selek’s shoulder tentatively.

“I’m alright with taking things slow but I won’t change my mind, Selek. I want to be bonded to this old Vulcan. I will never want any other. And besides, you aren’t that old. If I’m correct, our remaining lifespans are fairly evenly matched, aren’t they?”

Selek watched Jim’s eyes, mesmerized by their clarity. There wasn’t any place for doubt in them.

With a breath, he brought both his hands on either sides of Jim’s head, bringing their foreheads together and whispered “ _T’hy’la_ ”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want Jim to freak out about Selek's origins. It's a totally valid reason to freak out, but for once I wanted him to accept things without a huge drama.  
> On another note, I'm so sorry about the late update. I'm moving out and without an Internet connection. I've proofread this over the sound of drills and saws, so I apologize about any glaring (or less glaring) mistakes.  
> And I don't know much about the American emancipation system (though I did research). Therefore, let's just say it's the 23rd century?


	10. My Love, my Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarek and Jim's overdue chat.

Jim didn’t know how he felt. A few seconds before, he was angry. How had he gone from this to that emotional swamp? Selek’s eyes were impossibly dark and burning. He could drown in these. He wasn’t even sure what it all meant for him.

Dimension-travelling… it explained quite a lot actually. How many people knew? Sarek clearly did and T’Pau too. And now him… What was he supposed to do with that knowledge? What were the consequences for him?

 Another Jim Kirk. Selek was bonded to another Jim Kirk. One who sounded amazing. He was a starship captain, got to explore the galaxy and was worthy of Selek’s love. Or was it Spock? Jim suddenly felt very small and inadequate. And jealous. This Kirk was born in the Federation. He never had to fight the whole system to become who he was meant to be. Jim thoroughly ignored the little voice whispering it might not have been that easy.

The unfairness of the situation made him grit his teeth. Selek loved another Jim. He never got a chance to determine what he felt for Selek that he had already lost him.

Special. What a joke! How special did he need to be to get what he wanted from life? He had been so close! Special. Well, perhaps. Selek’s face was set in that pattern that meant he was going to drive his point home, no matter the cost. He could read him so well. He could read him almost from day one. Soulmates. That was… surprisingly not cheesy. Just true. True in an inescapable, undeniable way.

 _T’hy’la_. He liked the sound of that word. Like something he had been searching for a long time and finally found. It spoke to him of burning sun and gentle hands, of challenges and unrestrained passion.

Maybe… maybe it could work. The other Jim Kirk was no longer there. He was a great man, but Jim could be one too. The other Jim Kirk was no longer there and Selek was lonely. It made Jim’s heart ache with the desire to soothe him.

Touching wasn’t an explosion of stars or anything like that. It was right. Perfect. He could see how much Selek had protected him from his feelings until now and it felt like a shame to have waited that long. Or perhaps it was just the appropriate time. Jim didn’t want to let go. Ever.

***

They couldn’t stay melted in one another for the rest of the day, as sad as it was. When Selek’s hands left his face, he whispered “Touching and never touching, parted and never parted… We are together _Ashayam_. Take comfort in the knowledge we will always be.”

They took care of their respective duties in companionable silence. They didn’t touch, they didn’t talk, but they were always aware of each other.

Jim was expecting to be floating on a cloud or something like that, as he heard it described on Earth. He wasn’t. Instead, he was hyper aware of everything. It wasn’t bothering him. It was neutral in a way he suspected Vulcans apprehended things. He wasn’t incapable of feelings all of a sudden or anything, he was just… in control. He certainly didn’t agree with the assessment but he could now see why they all considered themselves superior. He didn’t remember ever achieving such clarity of mind.

***

Selek switched off the screen with more vivacity than the action required. T’Pau’s timing was…inconvenient. He made his way toward the living area.

Jim was very focused. It made for a strange picture. The mess which appeared in any place Jim was working in was still there. It just didn’t detract attention from the center of it.

Selek bent down and retrieved the two open PADDs from the ground, put them on the table quietly and examined the metallic parts strewn across the room. Selek wasn’t quite sure what Jim was trying to build. His methods didn’t seem entirely logical and yet he looked quite satisfied with it. Without diverting his eyes from the contraption, he reached behind him, scooped up a part and inserted it with a sure hand.

It was gratifying to see Jim so happy. The blue eyes which had seemed so strange in the beginning no longer looked out of place. They didn’t hurt anymore. This Jim was not his Captain, nor did he need to be. Selek would always mourn his bondmate. It did not mean he had to live the rest of his life alone and in pain. This would be most illogical.

Jim’s broadcast joy flooded the room. Jumping up and down was certainly undignified and he would need to learn how to control his emotions if he were to enter Starfleet but such happiness was pleasing. Selek only regretted it would not last.

“Jim.”

The reaction was immediate. Jim stopped and turned around, facing him with a fleeting sheepish expression, quickly mastered in favor of a blank face. Selek found he preferred his previous sincerity, as illogical as it was.

“There is something we need to discuss.”

Though he kept his face neutral, Selek felt his alarm.

“If this is about the mess, I’ll clean it up in a minute.” Jim’s hands were behind his back. He was refraining from fidgeting. This skill would serve him well.

“It is not, though I would indeed appreciate it. Please, Jim. Sit down.”

“Selek, you’re scaring me. What happened?”

“Councilor T’Pau is sending me on a mission. It should last sixteen days.”

“A mission? I suppose I don’t get to know what mission this is?”

“Correct.” It was better that way. Jim was prone to worrying needlessly.

“Can you, at least, tell me if you’re gonna be in danger?”

“Every mission off-planet involves risks, if only shuttle malfunction. Asking me to evaluate the level of danger is illogical as I do not possess the necessary data to answer you.”

Jim was looking at him suspiciously.

“Ya know, a yes or a no would have sounded less ominous. When you do that, it feels like you’re lying somehow.”

“Vulcans do not lie, Jim, as you well know it.”

“Oh, do I?” Selek had spent more than a century surrounded by humans and was well-versed in the human practice called sarcasm. He knew better than to answer.

“During my absence, you need to decide where you are going to stay.”

“I can’t stay there?” Selek was unable to qualify Jim’s voice.

“You can, of course, stay in my house. You know you are fully welcome there. However, you would be alone on a planet where you are, essentially, a stranger. You would also not see anyone for two weeks but the people you would meet during your necessary errands. It is illogical to impose such restrictions on a person as social as you are.”

“Well, I don’t really know anyone here. Where would I go?”

“Sarek has expressed several times his willingness to speak with you and welcome you in his home.”

Jim looked clearly doubtful.

“Yeah, he said that, but… I dunno. Maybe. I mean, he looks okay.”

“I should certainly hope so. I would not offer you this option if I thought he presented a danger to you.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Selek! Just, I don’t know him and I don’t want to impose.”

“You will not. Sarek would not have offered if he did not want you in his home.”

***

The docks looked very different from the first time around. Jim couldn’t exactly pinpoint how. He just knew it. Accompanying someone to see them off was apparently illogical, yet Selek hadn’t raised any objection when Jim had decided to go with him. Seeing the people around them, it was obviously one of the illogical things Vulcans did anyway. They couldn’t hug here. It would be inappropriate.

“Parted and never parted…” Jim hoped it was true. They weren’t completely bonded but they were close enough that he was pretty sure one would feel it if the other was in trouble. Not that anyone would get in trouble. No need to jinx it before Selek had even left.

Jim couldn’t any further than the central area. They faced each other. Jim was convinced Selek’s eyes were getting darker every time he was looking at him. The Vulcan extended his right index and middle fingers. Jim had seen enough people doing it around him that he knew how to answer. He wasn’t expecting to get anything out of it. The warmth and comfort he received were a surprise. Closing his eyes a brief moment, he focused on sending the same back. From Selek’s sudden intake of breath and the wave of surprise he got, he had managed it.

He allowed himself a smile, small enough it wouldn’t attract any attention but obvious enough that the last image Selek would take with him would be his smile. Sentimental, right. Jim didn’t feel like smiling but it was either that or crying and crying in the middle of a Vulcan waiting area was a no no. He wasn’t expecting to feel so bad about it all. It was just for two weeks! Selek’s features shifted in that minute way indicating he was returning his smile. Suddenly, his heart seemed a little less heavy. It would be well, wouldn’t it?

Selek disappeared in the tunnel leading to his shuttle and Jim stood on his spot for several more seconds watching the empty entrance. He finally shook his daze and turned on his heels. Sarek’s house was on the other side of Shi’Kar. He would have to take public transportation as he wasn’t licensed to operate Selek’s vehicle.

                                                                                                                   ***                                                                                                     

Sarek’s house wasn’t exactly understated. Selek had given him a brief overview of Sarek’s duties and Jim had to admit the, well, it was a manor, suited an ambassador. It was close to the grounds but sprawling, with thick-looking walls and vast gardens. Jim supposed he had to host formal gatherings and such. He hoped this wouldn’t happen during his stay.

Surprisingly, Sarek welcomed him personally. Surely his servants could have done it? Besides, wasn’t an ambassador kind of busy all the time? Jim treaded the cold walls, his duffel bag in hand, listening to the Vulcan’s explanations about the ancestral home. Apparently, this monster of a house was almost a millennium old. Vulcans did build sturdy!

“This is our clan tapestry. It describes every generation of the House of Surak since its foundation and the various deeds it has performed.”

“You have kept memory of all that?”

He can see Sarek’s arched eyebrow.

“What is the reason of your incredulity?”

“Oh, it’s just that on Earth, records tend to get lost or illegible after a while. I would be incapable to tell you what my ancestors did centuries ago. I’m not even sure of my great-grand parents’ name.”

Sarek didn’t answer. Jim couldn’t determine if he was thinking ‘No great loss, who cares about them anyway’ or ‘Barbaric humans who can’t even keep records properly’. Probably a mix of the two, he concluded.

“You will be accepted in the clan, James. It is necessary you learn about it.”

“Sorry, what?” Jim couldn’t help it. What the hell was Sarek talking about?

“Your impending bonding with Elder Selek will grant you automatically a place in the House of Surak, James. Didn’t Selek explain it to you?”

“We haven’t even really discussed bonding yet. I guess we’ll do that at one point or another but we’ve decided to take things slow and besides, how do you even know?”

“James, the link between you and my almost son has been obvious to me since the first time I saw you. In addition, Selek informed me he discussed his past with you.”

“Right.” Jim was confused. Things were moving quickly and he had no point of reference. Or perhaps… wasn’t it what Sarek had offered to provide?

“You know, when you said I could come to you if I had questions… Is the offer still open?”

“Indeed.” Sarek’s voice was as bland as ever. Still, Jim now knew how to read the minute changes in demeanor in most Vulcans. The slightly faster speech rhythm was an indication of his curiosity.

“Selek said we were _t’hy’la_. He explained the meaning of it and I understand all right. I mean, I’ve felt the effects. It’s just…” Jim’s voice trailed as he tried and explained what he thought.

“It’s just… I’m not sure how much of it is actually he and I. He had this bond with the other me and the other Jim was great, it’s obvious from what he told me. What I wonder is if he is with me because I remind him of the other Jim. Because I’ll only ever be a pale copy.”

Sarek crossed his hands behind his back, resuming walking.

“From what you said, you have actually two different concerns. First, you think there is a real possibility, however unquantifiable, that the previous _t’hy’la_ bond my almost son had is the only reason he sought you out. Second, you believe you have to live up to Selek’s expectations in order to keep his love.”

“Er, said like that, it’s a bit direct… But, yes. I suppose it’s that.”

“I believe, James, that you are laboring under a misconception relative to my almost son’s character. While it is true I have no firsthand experience of a _t’hy’la_ bond, it is one of the most revered institutions among my people and therefore is well-documented. I can say that it does not work that way.” At this stage, they passed under a stone arch leading to something that looked like a comfortable living area. Sarek gestured for Jim to sit down before doing the same and resuming his explanation.

“Selek was _t’hy’la_ with the other Jim Kirk. The severance of their bond upon his death has indeed left the link yearning for its other part. You must have felt it when you first were acquainted with Selek. You probably felt quickly comfortable in his presence.” Jim nodded, remembering the first day. He had felt like he had known Selek for years.

“However, what developed afterwards was entirely due to both yours and his efforts. Your minds are highly compatible. So are your personalities. I did not know the other James Kirk but I was led to believe that, though there are indeed numerous similarities, you are also quite different. It does not mean you are lacking in regard to him. I have full confidence in my almost son’s honesty. If he professed his regard for you, then his feelings were truly intended for you as the James Kirk of this universe, not as a substitute. Vulcans do not lie and Selek could not lie to you of all people.”

“I guess I already know that. He said I was not a substitute. It’s just… really hard not to make comparisons. I didn’t even know the other Kirk and I’m doing it.”

“Perhaps Selek does not make comparisons because he knew him.”

Sarek leant forward ever so slightly.

“James, I am convinced you are entirely worthy of my almost son’s regard. Of course, my approval is not needed as you are _t’hy’la_. Separating you would be a very serious offence. However, everything I have seen so far of you confirm my initial assessment of your character and intelligence.”

“Er, thank you?” Jim was stunned. Selek often praised him but, well, Selek loved him, right?

“Gratitude is illogical. I was only stating a fact.”

If only he knew what it meant to Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's a bit late again. I still don't have an Internet connection.  
> This chapter is a bit of a filler, but Jim needed the confidence boost, right?


	11. Parted and Never Parted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Selek. And poor Jim. Things do get better, eventually. Oh, and we get to meet Spock.

The next days went as expected. Jim was actually starting to feel very Vulcan, thinking that way. He usually saw Sarek at dinnertime unless he had some pressing matter to attend to and stayed in his room working on the upcoming entrance exam to Starfleet. It seemed the date got closer much faster than it should. Jim was feeling more and more anxious about it. So far, he had managed to hide it, but he knew Selek would see it as soon as he got back.

One afternoon he was sweating his ass off on some tri-D equations, he heard light footsteps behind him. Turning around, he saw a tall Vulcan, rather young and very stiff, looking at him. As Jim acknowledged his presence, he offered the _ta’al_.

Jim returned it.

“I am James Kirk. “

“I am Spock, son of Sarek.”

Jim blinked. He didn’t mean…

“I was not informed my father was receiving guests.”

“Well, I’m the only one. I usually stay with someone else, but he had to go off-planet and as I am quite new here he didn’t want me to stay alone for a long time.”

“Your answer was most informative, James Kirk.”

Jim cringed. “Jim, just Jim, please. Or James, if you prefer. James Kirk is a bit of a mouthful.”

“I did not find your name difficult to pronounce.” The young Vulcan seemed definitely confused.

“I was not implying that. Just, no one calls me by my full name. Jim is perfectly adequate way to address me.”

“I understand and will comply with your wish, James.” Clearly, Spock didn’t see the logic in shortening names.

He didn’t feel at all like Selek. Maybe it was because he was younger, or maybe because they didn’t have the same mother and therefore the same education… He seemed nice enough, in a very Vulcan-y way. Jim preferred Selek.

He opened his mouth to ask him why he hadn’t seen him around since his arrival when he doubled over, blinded by a wave of hot pain. He felt as if his entire physical being and his soul were both being shredded to pieces.

Barely hearing Spock’s voice, he fell to the ground. His whole consciousness was focused on the searing pain. Every nerve in his body was on fire. _Selek!_ Selek was in pain, tortured. He had to, he had to help him. This had to stop! Jim became aware of cool hands on his head, then the pain subsided slightly. Enough for him to whisper, his throat raw – had he screamed?–“Selek.”

 ***

Painful. It was painful. It was no longer the waves of burning hell. It had dulled down to a general ache in his muscles, likely from the spasms he had experienced when he had fallen.

Jim sat up, too quickly. He had to fight back dizziness, his hands gripping the sheets. Selek. What happened to him? Jim tried to focus on the link. There was something, something that eluded him, he just had to…

“James.”

“Selek. He is in trouble.”

“We understood that much. The High Council has been informed. Is there anything you could say that could help locate him?”

Jim frowned. He hadn’t thought of that but it made sense. Focusing on the link, he tried to reach the other end. It didn’t work. Something was blocking him. Raising his head, he looked at Sarek.

“I can’t. Something is in the way.”

“Probably the shields the mind healer put up in order to protect your mind. It is also likely that Selek managed to raise his own shields. You are _t’hy’la_ , James. You should be able to go past these. Concentrate on the bond, feel Selek’s presence in your mind. Can you get an impression of what is around him?”

Sarek’s voice was getting hypnotic. Jim dived inside his own mind, following his soulmate’s echoes.  He would find him. There! Sarek was right. Shields were of little use. Jim could get past them with laughable ease. Or maybe it was because Selek was gravely weakened. Cold. It was icy cold. And dark. Large predators’ groans could be heard. It wasn’t just cold. It was damp as well. A cavern? Before retreating, Jim pushed as much warmth and love up the bond, hoping Selek could feel it.

Opening his eyes, he fixed Sarek. The older Vulcan looked expectant.

“A database of all the planets. I got some impressions. I need to find every place that could match.”

Sarek didn’t even answer. He just left the room at a brisk pace.

***

It took Jim two hours to find the most likely planet. Delta Vega.  A really not nice place. At least, Jim hadn’t got the impression Selek was watched or anything of the sort. Jumping on his feet, he made a beeline to Sarek’s study. He entered without warning, barely stopping when he saw Spock was there as well.

“I think I’ve found him. Delta Vega. It all fits. An icy planet, with lots of caverns and large predators. I don’t think there is anyone watching him. At least, not that he is aware of. We need to hurry. He is injured and nearing hypothermia.”

Sarek raised gracefully on his feet. I will inform the High Council of your findings, James. They will send a ship at once.”

“I want to come.” They couldn’t leave him behind, could they?

“No, James. Selek entrusted your safety to me. This endeavour is very likely to be dangerous. I cannot authorize you to leave the planet.” Apparently, they could.

“I would follow instructions. I wouldn’t take much place. Please, Sarek! He is my _t’hy’la_. I need to be with him.”

“James, do you believe it is wise to broadcast your connection in front of everyone? Especially T’Pau? There is little you could do for him. Locating a person on Delta Vega will not be hard as there are few of them and the planet is 1.2 hour from Vulcan. Now, James, every minute we spend disagreeing is wasted time in finding him.”

He had him, there. Jim sat down abruptly, suddenly very tired now that the necessity of finding something had left.

“You should go and rest in your room, James. You have experienced your bondmate’s suffering without any shield. You need to sleep.” For whatever reason, Spock had stayed.

“We aren’t bondmates yet,” mumbled Jim. Even opening his mouth to speak was exhausting.

“The informal _t’hy’la_ bond you have is enough to have conveyed his suffering? Fascinating.” Jim could almost hear the raised eyebrow. He reclined his head against the wall.

“Complicated,” he informed the young Vulcan and promptly fell asleep.

***

Jim was going to be devastated. It was illogical to focus on the human’s distress instead of on a way to save himself but Selek knew there was little he could do in the state he was in. Hoping Jim could find him was vain. He was untrained in the mind arts and, to his knowledge, no one knew of their particular connection. Best to shield him from the pain Selek was experiencing.

He lit a small fire with relatively dry scraps of wood lying around. It took a long time to get even a spark out of the twigs. At least, the results were worth the efforts. It would keep him at a tolerable temperature and would provide a repellent against the wild animals he could hear roaming the surface of the planet.

Selek considered a healing trance. It could help with his injuries and there was nothing else he could do anyway. It would also leave him completely defenseless should one of the predators he could hear decide he would make a nutritious meal. He nearly smiled at the thought. Jim was having a much stronger influence on him than he knew. It was highly improbable any of these beasts had enough intelligence to understand the concept of nutrition beyond the instinct that pushed them to eat.

Despite the fire, the temperatures kept lowering. He wouldn’t be able to resist them outside a trance.

***

Jim woke up with the grandmother of all headaches. Undoubtedly a consequence of the tension he had endured – was it yesterday? He bounced on his feet as everything rushed back to him, supporting himself on the wall while he waited for the dizziness to pass. He checked the time. To his surprise, he had slept less than two hours. Focusing on the bond, he didn’t detect any change. Please, let him have been right about Delta Vega! If he desperately needed to be right for once in his life, it was now.

At least, he had time for a shower. He wrinkled his nose at his smell and headed toward the bathroom. Shaking in dread despite the temperature, he showered and put on clean clothes, trying to calm down enough to not alert even a psi-null person that he was near a nervous breakdown. Taking deep breaths, he recalled Selek’s instructions concerning the clearing of the mind, according to him, a necessary prelude to any meditation. Instead of soothing his mind, he focused on his link with Selek, reaching to the parts of his mind where he was the strongest. At least, he was still alive and no longer in pain. Hopefully, it was a sign he had been found and was being treated right now.

Gradually, his breathing evened. He was nowhere near calm but still somewhat more in control. Of course, the comm’s screen’s sharp sound ruined it immediately. Nearly throwing himself in front of the screen, he reached to accept the call. Sarek’s face was displayed and he started to speak as soon as he saw Jim.

“Selek has been admitted at the General Care and Healing Center. He is wounded but should recover promptly given adequate tending. He regains consciousness by intermittence. Your presence is not imperative to his recovery but it certainly cannot hinder it and should appease your concern. Do you know how to find the Center?”

Jim couldn’t talk. The big lump in his throat prevented it. He knew that, should he try to circumvent it, he would start crying. Instead, he nodded and raised his hand on greetings, shut the call and made his way outside the house.

The ride to the Center was both painfully long and over in the blink of an eye. Jim didn’t even know anymore what he was feeling. It was as if he had overdosed on too much feeling and couldn’t process anymore. He forced himself to walk at a reasonable pace, knowing running would only get him stopped.

Some part of him that was still capable of dealing with people managed to ask the direction of Selek’s room.

He stopped dead at the door. He didn’t know what was holding him up. There was no reason not to enter, logical or illogical. He pushed the door with one hand, the other defensively hidden in his back.

Selek was pale. His eyes were closed but Jim was sure that, were they open, they would be glazed in pain. He was unmoving. His stillness was unnerving. For a quiet, reserved and composed person, Selek was usually full of energy, never wasting time or staying in one place for any longer than the task at hand required. Jim didn’t like this one bit. Selek was made to be up and awake, turning his head to watch him and smile that hidden smile that only Jim could detect, not to lie down in bed unaware of his surroundings.

Jim couldn’t help but reach for his face. They touched more than the average Vulcans did but Jim had never dared do this. The gesture was intimate, even on Earth. Yet the need to reassure himself burned Jim’s hands. He stroked lightly the Vulcan’s cheek then temple, buried his fingers in his hair, relishing the warmth seeping from Selek’s body into his, the softness of the creased skin under his thumb. Moved by the same impulse, he leaned forward and kissed his forehead, rubbing his own cheek in the graying hair, inhaling Selek’s scent. He could smell the remnants of wherever he had been, the disinfectants used on him, and Selek. He gave a choked out sob-laugh at the thought. It was so cliché and yet so true.

Framing Selek’s face with both hands, he wrapped himself around him as much as he could without getting in the bed with him.

That was how T’Sulia found them when she came to check on her patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry for the delay! I just moved out (again) and I'm starting a new job tomorrow so I'm kind of stressed right now!


	12. Talking, Seeing, Touching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps Jim should stop worrying so much. It's bad for his heart and future starship captains need to have a perfect one.

Jim yawned. This was, supposedly, winter on Vulcan. Somehow, to Jim, winter evoked more snow and warm food than stifling hot temperatures and sandy winds. Selek now wore thicker clothes and even a coat. Jim was still sweating a river if he stepped out of the house. In the almost terran year he had been there, one would have expected he would have gotten used to the weather. Logic and Jim Kirk had never got hand in hand. Well, most of the time, anyway.

He did hope he had been logical enough in his Starfleet entrance exam. It took place two weeks ago and he had been a right mess ever since. What made it even worse was the confidence Spock displayed. He understood the young Vulcan was perfectly ‘adequately prepared and would have underperformed under no circumstances’ and therefore had every reason to be confident about his results, but it didn’t mean he shared his serene attitude. He couldn’t get why everyone seemed to think he had done well. Ok, he had reviewed some of the questions with Spock, more like Spock had indulged his numerous questions but that wasn’t the point, and he knew that, logically, Spock could tell he had answered correctly quite a number of them. But Sarek and Selek seemed to be just as convinced Jim had done ‘satisfactorily’. Jim would hate to see them disappointed. Not that Vulcans ever looked disappointed but Jim would know. And what if…

The door opening broke him out of his thoughts. Selek’s steps were as measured as ever. He entered the living area and greeted Jim, extending two fingers for a kiss. Instead of accepting them, Jim made a beeline to his _t’hy’la_ , hugging him like there was no tomorrow. This was a breach of etiquette he hoped Selek would forgive. He hoped for a lot of things these days. Maybe he should stop being so demanding, he thought hysterically. This would only get him in trouble.

“You are experiencing anxiety, _Ashayam_.” The hand behind his shoulders started rubbing circles. The scent of wool was heavy and comforting in its familiarity.

Jim snorted. “Anxiety is putting it mildly. I’m freaking terrified, yes.”

“Reminding you for the twenty seventh time that you were adequately prepared and ready to sit this examination would be illogical since you are not listening anymore than you did the previous twenty six times.”

“I know, ok? It’s just that it’s so important, and there were lot of people sitting it and most of them smarter than me and they had been preparing for that for years, I just got one and…”

Selek’s voice was uncharacteristically sharp when he interrupted Jim.

“Jim. The announcement of the results is in 1.4 hour. While some nervousness is not completely unwarranted given your emotional make up, this is excessive. Please get dressed in an orderly fashion and then we will depart for Starfleet. Your results are not going to change now.”

Jim backed away, surprised at the tone. He studied Selek’s face attentively, searching for a reason to it.

“I’ m sorry?” he offered.

“Apologies are unnecessary, Jim, as I am not offended and you have not committed any crime. However, I would appreciate if you could control your emotions to an extent, especially once in front of so many Vulcans.”

Jim felt his own face falling.

“I am not ashamed of you, _t’hy’la_. Never. But your emotions are going past my shields and affecting me alarmingly. I am used to it and can compensate. The other Vulcans at the ceremony will not be prepared as I am.”

“I understand.” Jim took a few deep breaths, trying to bring his inner turmoil under control. “Better?”

“Adequate. Now, please go get dressed.” The hidden smile was back.

  ***

The ceremonial room was quietly full. Most of the attendants were Vulcans and were waiting in silence the jury’s arrival. Selek and Jim took their designated seats calmly and waited. Jim kept his hands firmly in his lap to keep himself from wringing them and focused on the podium where the jury would stand in a few minutes.

Next to them, Sarek and Spock came to sit. For all his claims to have performed satisfactorily, Jim could tell Spock was nervous. He wasn’t fidgeting or anything so unvulcanlike, nor was he paler than usual. He was actually more controlled than ever, his face a perfectly emotionless wall. Casting a discreet glance around, Jim noticed that everyone wore the same utterly blank mask. Selek’s admonition made a lot more sense now.

Jim bit the inside of his lips, trying to keep at bay the cold feeling spreading in his chest.

For a formal ceremony, it was surprising how little ado accompanied the arrival of the jury. Two Vulcan women, an Andorian male and a grey-skinned humanoid whose origin Jim couldn’t ascertain. They stood at a desk and lit the screen behind them. One of the women greeted the assembly in a cold and curt voice and said they would proceed to give the names of the accepted cadets without delay, starting with the lowest results. Privately, Jim thought this absolutely awful. You couldn’t even know if you were received before the last name was called. Well, that was Vulcan. They couldn’t seek to spare feelings they weren’t supposed to have.

Jim noticed most of the names which were called first were non Vulcan. He kept expecting his to be called with the bunch of the non Vulcan cadets. It wasn’t. He drove his fingernails hard in the flesh of his palms. This could be good, or this could be very bad. The first Vulcan names were called. It seemed to go on forever. Yet Jim knew there was going to be only two hundred received on the thousands who sat the exam.

Here and there he started to recognize some names from prominent families Selek, Sarek and Spock occasionally mentioned. His heart sank. There was no way he had done better than these. Therefore, he had failed. He lowered his head, wanting to crawl in a corner and hide there for the next ten years. Could he even take it again? He didn’t even dare look at Selek. Instead he threw a glance at Spock who was definitely a shade paler than before.

Spock was now his friend. Well, he would probably never put it in those words, but it didn’t deter Jim from considering a friend. Spock had a good chance to have made it in the highest percentile and Jim would be happy for his friend.

Only five left.

“T’Sarena cha’ Siven.” T”Sarena got on the podium looking perfectly serene and received the little badge that marked her as a new cadet. She accepted the words of congratulations of the jury with grace and returned to her seat.

“ James Tiberius Kirk.” What? The name displayed on the screen was undoubtedly his, he had spent enough time writing it to recognize it. He couldn’t move. There had to be some kind of mistake. He felt a hand wrapping around his left wrist, dragging him forward. In a daze, he got up and walked sedately to the podium, took the stairs without tripping and stood in front of the jury, feeling all the eyes strained on him. They were too polite to express aloud their surprise but it was obvious. Jim focused on greeting the jury without making a mistake. The little badge was cold in his hand, the edges cutting his skin. He would have thought not smiling would be an issue but in truth, he kept expecting them to realize there was a mistake. He kept expecting to wake up from this dream. Closing his hand around the badge, he walked back to Selek, meeting his eyes as he climbed down the stairs. They were dark and burning with something Jim could now see was love. He was smiling that hidden smile and Jim’s heart soared. Perhaps this all was true, then. As he passed Selek and reclaimed his seat, his _t’hy’la_ extended his fingers for the kiss Jim had refused him earlier. This time he accepted it, warmth spreading through him. Spock and Sarek bowed their head, acknowledging his accomplishment.

Now, Jim was starting to be worried about Spock.

“Skilr cha’ Soren.”

“T’Rill cha’ Spav”.

What if Spock hadn’t made it? No it was impossible. Logically speaking, he had to be…

“Spock cha’Sarek.”

Jim turned to Spock and smiled as discreetly as he could. He felt like jumping up and down. Not a good idea, assuredly. He couldn’t wait to get home to do it in the privacy of his room. Or perhaps privacy was overrated. The approval he was getting from the bond was almost overwhelming. He wanted to hug Selek until he couldn’t breathe, he wanted to dance, he wanted to scream his happiness to the sky. Above all, he wanted to bathe in Selek’s love and share his.

When they left the ceremonial hall, they gathered to exchange congratulations in a quiet corner.

“Spock, you are the best! I am so proud of you!”

“As I secured the first place, I am indeed the best. It should not, however, detract us from your own performance. Fourth place when you have worked on it for only a year is truly no small feat. Besides, you are the first non Vulcan to have achieved such high grades.”

“My son is correct. I am gratified you have succeeded so clearly. As I am with his own results.”

They shared a glance.

“I suggest we all go home and celebrate these results and maybe we could have dinner together one of these days?” Jim suggested with a bright smile. They wouldn’t get offended by it and their corner _was_ quiet.

“Celebrate?” Spock sounded a bit lost.

“You know, when we have managed to do something good and we do something that we like as a reward for achieving it. You never do that?”

“You mean like reading the newest issue of the Galactic Xenobiology Journal? I did not read it before as I preferred to focus on Starfleet exam.”

“Er, right. If that’s what you like… We humans usually go and eat way more than we should and do absolutely nothing for a few hours.”

“You are saying that humans like doing nothing?” Spock’s incredulity was now plain.

Selek intervened.

“Humans need rest in a different fashion than we do. When they say doing nothing, they actually mean not doing anything that looks like work to them. I am sure Jim will find a suitable activity to celebrate his results.”

The casual brush of fingers against his wrist which accompanied the declaration couldn’t be an accident.

 ***

As the door closed behind them, Jim faced Selek, hand proffered. The Vulcan took it without hesitation, locking his long fingers around Jim’s wrist, examining every part of it with his other hand. He ran the pad of his fingers along every mount and every depression, followed every bone and stroked every callus. Jim couldn’t shake the feeling he was making love to his hand.

He reached with his own left hand to entangle his fingers in Selek’s hair, savoring the softness of it. Drawing his face nearer, he brushed his lips against Selek’s, unsure of his reaction. The Vulcan answered by pushing Jim against the wall and kissing him back, biting lightly. Jim moaned. He couldn’t get enough. With it, the last of their respective shields fell and their mind welcomed each other, joining the dance.

They found themselves in Jim’s room, undressing. There was passion in their joining and there was trust and love. Jim wouldn’t have said he was completely inexperienced and yet he realized he had never actually truly shared himself with anyone. 

As they lay, exhausted and, on Jim’s part, sweaty, their eyes met. They didn’t talk. There was no need for words.

 ***

Selek was standing perfectly straight, his face a blank mask. Jim could feel the bond humming with delight between them and fought to keep himself carefully in check.

“I trust you find the accommodations satisfactory.”

“Yes. Well, you aren’t there, which makes it unsatisfactory actually but, er, aside from that, it’s ok.”

“We will see each other, Jim. Besides, we can make use of the communicators and exchange written communication through our PADDs.”

“You’re right, I know. Just, I wanted to spend more time with you. But I’m happy to be there.”

“I should certainly believe so. You have worked very hard to obtain this place. I have no doubt you will prove yourself worthy of it.”

“I’ll work hard and become the youngest starship captain ever. What do you think of that?” Jim declared, grinning like mad.

“If anyone can do this, you can, Jim. You have my utmost confidence.”

They shared a silent kiss, fingers pressing against each other, as there wasn’t anything left to say, really.

The young Vulcan who entered the dorm stopped at the door, averting his eyes. They turned to greet him as he introduced himself as Sovak. He would be Jim’s roommate for the next year. They studied each other in silence, then Sovak proceeded to empty his case, carefully placing every item in his allocated cupboard.

 Jim escorted Selek toward the exit.

“So, now, that’s it. I’m really doing this.”

“Are you getting what humans call ‘cold feet’?”

“I do not understand how the temperature of my lower limbs would affect my upcoming school year,” replied Jim with mock seriousness. He was rewarded with Selek’s hidden smile.

“I am gratified you are finally understanding the foundations of logical reasoning.”

“Well, don’t get your hopes to high. I’m irredeemable. You going to be ok on your own?”

“I have been, as you say ‘on my own’ for decades, Jim. I am quite capable of managing.”

“Riiiight…”

The surge of amusement through the bond followed him to his dorm. Sovak was sitting on his bed, a PADD in hand.

“Er, Sovak? I wanted to apologize for the way I greeted you. You probably weren’t expecting to stumble on that scene.”

“Apologies are unnecessary, James. Your greeting was quite adequate. However you are right. I was not expecting to find you bonded to Elder Selek.”

“Is that going to be a problem?” Jim took care to keep his voice neutral.

“No. I was merely surprised. Elder Selek does not partake in many social activities. To find he is bonded to a human is unexpected but not unpleasant. I am also pleased with the roommate I have been assigned to. Your test results were very honorable and I look forward to learn from you.”

Sometimes Vulcan skirted around the truth until one was ready to believe planets were made of molten cheese. And sometimes they were so direct it was almost painful.

Jim smiled prudently.

“I am honoured by your interest and look forward to learn from you as well. I am quite new to Vulcan and there are many things I remain ignorant of.” There, that was a proper answer enough, wasn’t it?

“I will endeavour to educate you on the topics you will need, James. I hypothesize this year is going to be fascinating.” Sovak reminded Jim a bit of a puppy. An overeager, very logical puppy.

Fascinating indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very happy with this chapter but well... better this than nothing?  
> On a side note, if anyone knows how to say "daughter of" in Vulcan/ Golic/whatever, please do share the information. I used the same term than for "son of" in the hope it could be taken as "child of", but it's really not ideal.  
> Only one chapter left!


	13. There is no Frontier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim will always be an overachiever. In professional and personal life.

Stardate 2.4598

_Hi! I guess you weren’t expecting to see me so soon. Or maybe you were. You know me too well. Anyway. Just missing you, I s’ppose. You don’t feel too lonely? Scratch that, even if you do, you’ll never say. Whatever. I’m all settled now and my roommate and I are getting along just fine. I’m excited about tomorrow and kind of scared, too? Ok, I’ll stop rambling now. It was just great to speak English for a bit. I’ve spoken only Vulcan for hours. Guess I’ll even dream in Vulcan now. Love you!_

Stardate 2.4602

_Peace and Long Life, Jim. I was, as you surmised, expecting you to contact me. It is a natural human reaction to being in a new and very foreign place. I am gratified you and your roommate Sovak are ‘getting along’. Though it is not a requirement, it certainly lends a better quality to the time spent at the Academy, however unquantifiable it might be. As you will most likely visualize this communication on the morning, I bid you an instructive day. Live long and Prosper, Ashayam._

Stardate 2.4607

_Hi! It was great seeing you in the morning before class. You were right, it was all very instructive. Actually, it was really different from school on Earth. I'm exhausted. I’m done with my homework for the day, though I’m pretty sure I should be doing more. I’m going to hit my bed in a few seconds. Just wanted to tell you how things were. And don’t think I didn’t notice you didn’t answer my question about you. I’d press the issue but I’m too tired to do more than look helplessly at the screen. Love you!_

Stardate 4.3259

_Hi! Great news. Or not so news for you as I’m sure you keep yourself apprised of our schedule. In three days, we’ll have our holiday. I hope you’ll be free on that day. I’m really excited. Now I gotta go. Some xenolinguistic to work on! Love you!_

***

Selek was standing very straight on the sand in the visitor area. The fountains in the background made for a very peaceful scene. There was nothing peaceful in Jim’s mind as he was rushing to the visitor area with as much dignity as he could muster.

When they finally stood face to face, they extended their fingers at the same time. Jim closed his eyes, savouring the sensation and the general closeness. He hadn’t _really_ had time to feel lonely, what with the coursework and all the people he had to get to know. Still, he had missed Selek dearly. From the faint look of relief in his eyes, it was shared.

Jim wanted to embrace him but the public transportation they were in forbade such demonstrations. Instead he started recounting everything to Selek. The comms were great but not nearly enough and severely limited in time due to their respective workload. He kept his tone hushed so as to not disturb the other passengers and told Selek the many wonders he had discovered, the friends he had made, his academic success… He kept his hours of loneliness and the xenophobic comments to himself, as well as his struggles with a system vastly different from everything he had known so far. From the discreet brush of fingers against his wrist and the wave of love that followed, Selek knew anyway.

***

Jim was both striving and exhausted beyond belief. Vulcans didn’t believe in extended periods of rest and he hadn’t gotten anything more than a day every two months. After three years of this treatment, he no longer felt as if he were trying to swim upstream but he wanted some real quality time with his bondmate. It wasn’t just about him. Whenever he got Selek on the comm or in person, he could see for himself just how much he was alone and unhappy. He had tried focusing on the link, sharing his own feelings to remind Selek he was there and he would come back one day but it was nowhere near as satisfying as being there in person. Of course, it might be because of the human need for touch.

Jim sighed. He had clearly spent too much time being the only human around here if he was starting to consider his own species as a foreign one. He was actually missing Earth, just a tiny little bit. Vulcan was a beautiful planet, really, but after a while, sand and rocks everywhere didn’t compare anymore to green grass, trees and blue sky. He missed the blue sky the most. Ah well. _Kaiidth_. His home was there now. With Selek. He had a family and friends. It was a good life.

The whine of his communicator startled him. It wasn’t the assigned melody which indicated a call from Selek.

“Cadet Kirk, your presence is required in the visitor area immediately.”

After more than three years, Jim had learnt to appreciate the efficiency of Vulcan methods of communication. He tugged on his vest, trying to make himself look presentable.

The walk to the visitor area was fairly short and Jim spent it trying to divine who could have ordered his presence. Family or friends would have called him directly and he didn’t know anyone else, really. Aside from the personal at the Registration Office. He sure hoped it had nothing to do with his citizenship.

The visitor area was empty, save for one little old lady. Upon identifying her, Jim stopped dead in his tracks. What was T’Pau here for? This couldn’t be good. As he faced her, he wondered idly how such a blank face could manage to convey so much disapproval at the same time. Schooling his own expression, he stood in front of her, offering her a _ta’al_ and voicing his greetings in a much better Vulcan than the first time. She didn’t show any sign of acknowledging the improvement.

“James Kirk. You have done well for yourself since the last time we met.”

Jim didn’t think it was a compliment.

“I have.” Better be careful. She was as dangerous as the adder under the rock.

“Selek’s help has gotten you quite far.”

Sorry? Was she implying he was some kind of kept person?

“I have done what I did on my own.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“It was my understanding that Selek gave you a full education destined to prepare you to the Academy’s entrance examination.”

“He did. I am grateful for the efforts he put in this. But I must reinforce the fact I did everything else on my own.”

Where was she going?

“James Kirk, you are bonded to him. Trying to hide it from me is illogical. Did he tell you of his circumstances?”

Ah. OK. So that was it.

“If you are referring to the fact he came from another dimension, yes he did.”

“Did he inform you of his prior bonding with your counterpart from his dimension?”

_Lucky for you, lady, he did. If he hadn’t, learning it from you would have been quite a shock and this kind of tactics is unworthy of the Matriarch of Vulcan._

It was with confidence that Jim met her eyes, filling them with the fact he understood where she was going.

“He did.”

“Then for what reason did you choose not to acknowledge your bonding publicly?”

_Oops. Well._

“It was quite a private matter and we saw no reason to involve anyone. At this time, neither Selek nor myself had anyone we could have called friends who would have cared for our bonding. Besides, as he is not an official part of the family, this had no incidence on the House of Surak.”

“Your logic is sound. It would seem your arrival has considerably changed Selek’s perspectives.”

_Yeah, and you have lost your most convenient little errand boy. Tough luck for you._

“Perspectives? I am afraid I do not understand.”

“Surely you understand the need for keeping the circumstances of his arrival here and the reasons secret?”

“I do. But there are not so many people who know about him and most of them save for one knew or strongly suspected prior to my arrival.”

_And take that in the teeth!_

She was now looking at him as one would do a not particularly brilliant child. What had he said?

“Bondings between Vulcans and other species are not uncommon. There are, so far, unheard of. Then you, a human being from a remote and technologically late planet, arrive, and bond with a Vulcan, and not just any Vulcan but the one who has raised a lot of suspicions. Moreover, your age difference is considerable. Our species bases every reasoning on logic, James Kirk. Logic in this case will lead everyone, sooner or later, to the right conclusion.”

Her eyebrow said ‘Now do I have sufficiently spelled it for you?’

Yes she had.

“And here I thought Vulcans did not lie.” _Oh, do understand the sarcasm, lady._ “Would it be such a problem? I mean, it happened quite some time ago and, as you yourself emphasized, Vulcans are logical people. They will understand the need for keeping things quiet and not asking too many questions.”

If she had any less dignity, it was obvious she would have huffed.

“There is not much that can be done now to repair the damage, except limiting it. Selek is going to be sent on a mission soon and you will leave the Academy for your first assignment in a short time.”

_What? Was she saying they were going to be separated? Oh no, lady. No._

“Selek is not going to accept. He has already gone against your people’s traditions by bonding with a human. Do you really think he wouldn’t leave for another planet so that we can be together?”

Well. See that. Obviously, she had troubles thinking outside the box.

“Look, no one wants that. He doesn’t, I don’t, you don’t. So let’s cut things and say we live and see what’s going to happen? I am sure it’s not as bad as you think it’s going to be.”

She didn’t look very convinced. Then again, she didn’t look anything.

He softened his voice on purpose.

“What happened to the ideal of the IDIC, Lady T’Pau? Do we not embody it? Can’t we have a chance? Logic would suggest that you cannot have results without an experiment first.”

Were she anything else than Vulcan she probably would have sighed. He could sympathize with her, sort of. Must not be easy to rule over such a bunch and with so many responsabilities.

“You desire I let you and Selek do as you please, regardless of the possible consequences.”

“You already have,” Jim pointed out. “If you truly believed it to be a problem, you would have done something earlier.

“James Kirk, I expect you and your bonded to perform a public ceremony in the briefest delays. I will give you my blessing.”

Jim was stunned. He felt his eyes widening in shock. This was way more than a non sequitur.

“I do wish Selek’s happiness, James. Logically, separating a _t’hy’la_ couple is not conducive to happiness.”

She stood, her small frame somehow looking impossibly large, and left.

Wasn’t that weird.

***

“I swear it happened that way. One moment, she was all ‘You being together is going to be the end of Vulcan’ and the next she announced she was going to give us her blessing at a formal ceremony. I’m kinda lost here, Selek.”

“I suspect she wanted to check how far you and I were willing to go. I got a visit from her as well, along the same lines. It would seem we reacted similarly.”

“So, what are we doing?”

“With your agreement, we will have a small formal ceremony. It will allow her to do what you would call ‘damage control’.”

“Sure, if that’s what it takes. Er, Selek?”

“ _Ashayam_?”

“Do you think it would be possible to have someone from Earth coming over?”

“You are referring to Dr Leonard McCoy.” Selek knew him too well. It wasn’t even a question.

“Yes. I wouldn’t have made it here without him and, more importantly, I wouldn’t have stayed here. We owe him. He is a friend.”

“I understand. I will do my utmost to make it possible.”

When Jim thought it was impossible to love Selek more, he went and he did something like that. What had he done to deserve him?

***

“Spock, you have to come over for our bonding ceremony. I’m not going to forgive you if you don’t come.”

“Jim, what makes you think I was going to refuse? As I understand it, friends are supposed to stand next to each other for this particular occasion. I am your friend, therefore it is logical I assist you. May I assume Sovak will be there as well?”

“You may. And there is going to be one of my Earth friend, too. You’ll like him. Or perhaps not. He is a bit extravagant. Sovak will like him.”

“It is true he delights in everything coming from your planet.”

“Jeez, Spock, it’s just curiosity! Whatever.”

***

“Dr Leonard McCoy.” The voice was rough but soft-pitched. Curiously, it wasn’t a question. Weird, he didn’t know anyone here. He turned around.

The old Vulcan had to be Selek. Leonard kept his face as controlled as he could. Jim had seemed a bit weird but still, this was taking weird to a whole new level.

“Yes. Do we know each other?”

“Apologies. I am Selek. Peace and long life, Dr McCoy. Jim could not be there as he is currently sitting an examination and will be so detained for the next 1.2 hour. Welcome to Vulcan.”

“Thanks.” Leonard wished he could have said more but it was getting really hot in here and frankly, though he was happy to be out of the tin can that had transported him here, he wasn’t exactly sure if he was happy to be there. Ah. In for a penny, in for a pound. The Vulcan was still looking at him as if he were looking for something.

“If it is agreeable to you, we will wait for Jim at the Academy. It would be illogical to do the trip twice.”

_Illogical, my ass. You just don’t want Jim to do it by himself and you don’t want to miss a minute of his company._

“Fine. I’ll be happy to see the kid again. He is doing great, from what I heard?”

“He is. He will be gratified to see you, I believe. Though he has well integrated here, I think he missed the company of like-minded individuals. He speaks of you often.”

“I think of him often. We haven’t known each other for long, but he is kinda unforgettable.”

The Vulcan’s posture relaxed ever so slightly. If Leonard hadn’t ached in every muscle just watching him, he wouldn’t have realized.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

The Vulcan watched him with dark eyes. There was no way to guess what he was thinking.

“He is my priority. He is the most important thing in my life.”

“Why? Not that I mean any offense, but you aren’t the same species, you seem to have quite the age difference… He is still a kid and I don’t think he ever had anyone to watch out for him. I just don’t want him to latch onto the first person who showed him affection just because he thinks there isn’t anyone else for him.”

“I am not offended, Dr McCoy. I am gratified there is someone ‘watching out for him’ as you put it. To answer your question, we are _t’hy’la_.”

“Translation?”

“There is no translation for this particular concept. The closest I could come would be soulmate. Our minds are entirely compatible, down to the deepest level.  As to your other concerns, though they are not totally unwarranted, I can assure Jim is striving here. The fact that we are not of the same species is not a real issue given both our standing in Vulcan society. Regarding our age difference, this cannot be helped. On a medical point of view, my health is excellent and I can expect my remaining lifespan to be similar to Jim’s. Does this alleviate your concern, doctor?”

“That was… quite the speech. I guess I am hardly the first person to raise these particular points?”

“Indeed.”

The rest of the trip was spent in silence, but not an uncomfortable one.

 ***

“Bones!”

The kid clearly hasn’t forgotten the embarrassing nickname. Ah well. At least, he seemed well-fed and happy, which was a whole lot more than what could be said the first time around.

“Jim! You look sunburnt.”

“Ever so charming, Bones.” He was grinning like mad.

“I’m a doctor, what d’ya think?”

“I think this is Vulcan. You can’t avoid sunburns.” It didn’t seem to overly concern him.

“By the way, how can you stand the heat and the gravity?”

“There are some chemicals which can help you, Dr McCoy,” Selek intervened.

“Besides, I’ve there for years, Bones. You get used to it. I must say it was hard the first days. I’ll tell you the whole story when we’ll be settled at home.”

“I would enjoy hearing this particular tale as well.”

There was a new Vulcan, a smaller one with a posture that looked just as painful.

“Ah Sovak! This is my Earth friend, Dr Leonard McCoy, more commonly called Bones. Bones, this is Sovak, my roommate and friend.”

“You speak English?” That was surprising.

“James taught me. Why are you called as a body part?”

The kid seemed to have a knack for making friends.

“Long story. Guess it can be told after Jim gives us the grand tale of his travels.”

The grand tale sent him in a fit of panic. It took Leonard a long time before regaining enough coherence to share his own story.

Watching the Vulcan bonding ceremony didn’t help much his coherence. Neither did Sovak asking him question upon question.

 

_5 years later_

He was blooming in the person he was meant all along. Jim and not Jim. A fine captain, the Federation's best. They had this in common. He was a good person, strong and compassionate, intelligent and brave beyond what was logical or even reasonable. They had this in common too. They were also so different and it was not a bad thing. Selek folded his hands behind his back to watch his bondmate receive his captain’s insignia.

He nearly smiled at the irony of the mission’s objectives. A five-year mission to seek new worlds, to explore and discover new civilizations. They would go together. He would be needed as an ambassador.

When the ceremony would be over, they would celebrate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the end. Not much happens in there, I know, but I hope it wasn't too disappointing either and I wanted the guys to have things going their way for once.  
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos, commented or bookmarked. It does help a lot!  
> To anyone who would be interested, I intend to write more in the Star Trek fandom. I'm currently writing a Kirk/Spock fic. It should be up around February if I can manage to find more than ten minutes at a time to write. Wish me luck!  
> Oh and [ my Tumblr](http://cuddlykoalas.tumblr.com/)   
> Pretty pictures all around.


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